Zenith - Comments

This was so brilliant . I can't even begin to describe how beautiful this was. Wow! The way you write is so amazing. I'm such a huge fan of yours. I loved this story and I love you!

That tore my heart apart.

That was so painfully beautiful.

This is magnificent. Thank you for writing this!

LOVED IT! truly appreciated your writing style. It was so captivating, it seriously left me at a loss for words. Great job with this, you are a brilliant writer and it's really awesome to see a writing style like this. You feel for the characters, you're angry with nearly everyone in this while being upset and worried for everyone. So much emotion! Love love love!

It's brilliant. And for the first time in my life I am at a loss for words

It's brilliant. And for the first time in my life I am at a loss for words

Yet another spectacular, hurty and beautiful piece, Tracy. Honestly, I don't know how you exist. Your words are just so infinitely loaded with meaning and yeah. So much awe.

Second-person is the perfect perspective for this. It makes Ryan seem like a bigger douche than he is, and Brendon so much more tragically in love and damaged.

Those ending lines of each paragraph are so freaking powerful. They're like a punch to the guts.

And Spencer. Oh, Spencer. He's as wonderful as ever. And I don't think an ending has ever given me as much hope as this did. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Now, for my one and only pointer.

and you’re able to forget to think until your lips leave his.
This is just a bit awkward. I actually stumbled when I read it, and not in the way that usually just makes me think. I'd take out the you're able to then it should be all good

As beautiful as ever though, BB You and your words amaze me.

It's so and I just and and and

AND YOU WROTE TWO THOUSAND WORD FIC I'M SO PROUD gonna put this day on the calendar so I can tell our children about it

You watch him until his brown eyes flicker like a candle wick, but he doesn’t scowl, doesn’t defend himself, and you’re really just standing there staring at him, wondering why all you want him to say is calm the fuck down.
Ow Cause it's like Bden just wants some kind of reaction out of him but Ryan doesn't even give him that OH BDEN

“I never promised not to hurt you,” he says, and it’s so very carelessly, like he doesn’t know that he can play with you like a rag doll, rip you limb from limb all from the inside.
At least you know you're ripping out my insides AT LEAST YOU'RE AWARE

You wake up pressed against his side, early afternoon sun seeping through the skylight. You steal that moment of blissful unawareness for yourself, forcing paralysis, trying so fucking desperately not to shift and ruin it.

He doesn’t stir when you rest your head on his arm, and you’re happy. You’re happy.
Oh ow. OW


When he holds you down, you aren’t really ever sure if he’ll punch in the face or suck a bruise into your neck, but it doesn’t matter because you’ll take both if it means he’ll kiss it better after, wet lips and sympathetic eyes and the way he says your name in a hushed, breathy whisper that seeps and stings and makes you want to fall at his feet.
That's so beautiful and it hurts Cause he just wants something even if Ryan would hurt him and it's so sad

He’s protecting his best friend, you know. He’s protecting his brother.
Poor bb Spencer is so confused

That bruise on your chest, he digs his teeth into it, wraps your legs tighter around his waist and digs his heels into the bed, and it hurtshurtshurts like he’s tearing you apart.
Ow, I feel it IT STINGS TRACY

You spend long autumn days with your boyfriend and his best friend, and it’s wonder, and it’s harmony and it’s not wanting things to change.
That whole thing is so beautiful it's been way too long Tracy quit school and write me fic like this all the time

You never do, and it gets easier to ignore the tension that coils in your stomach whenever he’s around, when his looks stop focusing on the bruise fading on your cheekbone and seem to fix on your mouth, at the way Ryan casually slings his arm around your shoulder like he’s taking possession.

It gets easier.
I can feel the tension IT'S RIPPING ME APART

Spencer kisses you on the couch that summer, and you’re able to forget to think until your lips leave his.

But then all you can do is remember.
It's so beautiful cause Spencer and Brendon they're just MEANT TO BE.

“You should leave him,” he whispers
Brendon Brendon BRENDON HE LURVES YOU

“He hit you.”

“And I hit him back.”

“Jesus Christ, he fucking started it.”

“Maybe I deserved it. Maybe… maybe I deserve this.”


What is that.

What is

Ow

What



Why


A slice of pseudo-normal, where his feet are in your lap and he’s watching TV without saying anything. You hum under your breath a little, tuneless melodies, and when he catches your eye he maybe smiles a little.
OH Brendon It's okay Brendon But it's not because he hurts you and it hurts me, go be with Spencer HOW DO YOU DO THIS YOU JUST MAKE ME CARE ABOUT HIM AND HE'S A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON EVERY TIME I JUST... I

Spencer doesn’t come over when Ryan isn’t there anymore, and you learn to live with this bizarre almost-regret.
Because you know Spencer lurves you and YOU DESERVE BETTER BDEN ALRIGHT Because Tracy hurts us with her devastating beautiful fic Let me hold you

You name him James and boldly ignore the look Ryan gives you.
Spencer James Smith I SEE YOU TRACY I SEE YOU

You don’t ask, “Are you cheating on me?”

The answer would be yes, and neither of you like things that aren’t complicated.


Ow. And. He. But Brendon. Brendon isn't even doing wrong things. Brendon

Why does it hurt like this

He cautiously sits next to you, but his hand is still touching your wrist and it’s grounding. He’s grounding.
Because Spencer is nice and calm AND HE'S EVERYTHING BRENDON NEEDS WHY CAN YOU NOT SEE BRENDON WHY I see though I SEE IT.

Spencer brow furrows when you nod once, gently shaking his hand free, but he doesn’t follow you when you walk away, doesn’t ask “Why did you call me?” and that makes your chest feel strangely hollow. Empty.
Because Brendon knows he deserves better but he doesn't want to admit it because he loves Ryan and ow Ow that's so you, and your tragic imperfect boyfs that hurt Helen because you CAN


Ryan comes home the next day, and he’s smiling, wide and cheerful and so very un-Ryan. He grabs your hand when you walk to the kitchen and kisses you against the wall. You let him, and neither of you say anything about the t-shirt Ryan is wearing -- the one that isn’t his – or about how he didn’t bother bringing his guitar home.

He holds you too tightly that night and you fight to keep a hold of your sanity.
Ryan. Ryan you dick. You bag of dicks

“I… ” he pauses, stares at you long and hard. “You… you already knew.”
BECAUSE SPENCER STILL LOVES RYAN TOO AND OH THE HURT.

He tucks you into bed with a tenderness that only makes your bones feel heavier, your heart squeeze in your chest, and when he turns to leave, you grab his hand. You mean to say stay, don’t go, don’t leave me like this, but you think it might come out all wrong.

You don’t really know what you mean, because maybe you’re asking too much, maybe he’s taking too little.
I think that's my favorite because Brendon wants to give to Spencer but he knows that he can't because Ryan and it hurts so good you just make everything that hurts beautiful do you understand that


You… you do things together, and maybe it feels like he’s trying to make up for something, and maybe you’re letting him just a little bit. Let him corner you against the side of the pool and suck stains into your skin, let him move against you until you both come in your board shorts.

He trails into his study when the two of you get out, and you head towards the shower.

You tell yourself you’re washing off the chlorine, but it kind of feels like you’re washing off him.
Cause he's not so caught up in the illusion with Ryan anymore RYAN AIN'T ALL THAT ANY MORE IT'S SO REAL I FEEL LIKE THEY'RE LIVING OUT THERE SOMEWHERE BUT NOT LIKE HOW THEY ARE IN REAL LIFE LIKE DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THEMSELVES HOW YOU WRITE THEM

Spencer hasn’t said a word since he called his goodbye. It feels like he’s waiting for you to take your turn at Who’s Going To Crack Next and you don’t know what to say to him.

He’s wearing that flowery headband that you really fucking love and he hasn’t shaved and you just don’t know what to fucking say to him.
Because Brendon is going to love Spencer too

“Bren…”

You cut him off with an unsure, “I love him,” but he shakes his head like he thinks you’re lying.

But good things come in time

But then he’s moving across the room and kneeling in front of you. He lets his fingers rest around your waist. You shiver.

“—I can’t,” you whisper, but this time… this time you don’t sound convinced. Even to your own ears. Especially.

It strains at the edges, but when Spencer hums out, “You can,” it sounds infinite. BECAUSE YOUR INFINITY IS WITH SPENCER IS WHY You make me love them together so hard


You watch him from the kitchen window and you think, you smoke too much, and you think, what would you do without me, and suddenly, unexpectedly, neither of them seem like good enough of a reason to stay anymore.
I think that's my favorite I think that's my favorite ever BECAUSE IT'S OVER BUT IT'S NOT