The Price of Living in Chaos - Comments

Thank you for updating! Can't wait to read more!

You're incredibly sweet, and this chapter was incredibly awesome ^u^ already love Fahim, fingers crossed that he doesn't die for a long while :')

I know the pain of losing a flashdrive - but I can't wait for a new update

I wouldn't choose to read something like this but you've really given this topic a new spin. Someone like me with not interest in DC comics can enjoy your story thoroughly
With the description, you're really good at conveying the surroundings and getting someone's attention after they read it, they would wonder who the batman is talking to.
I like how the story is written in present tense as it feels as if you are moving with the story and characters. Lottie is a great character besides her sarcastic bravado she reacts really realistic to traumatic experiences appropriately. When the crown was gunned down Lottie seems much more realistic and relatable.
The fourth chapter was a pretty short I won't dwell on it too much. But, like I mentioned before, Lottie's reaction to the 'aftermath' was spot-on and realistic, so well done for that.
The fact that you bolded and capitalized the 'light em up boys' bit. You had said he screamed it therefore there's no need to both bold it and capitalize it.
Looking through the other comments I can see that there was a problem with the layout. The new layout is readable and kinda fits with the theme/story with the purple and green writing.

I miss this story! :(

Wow this took forever. I am so sorry, I was just so busy that I didn't have the time to type up a detailed comment.

The summary is relly intriguing; I'm assuming that it's Lottie that Batman is talking too. Why does he need help from her? Something to do with the Joker, no doubt, and of course that only reels me in more. As for the layout - it's better than the previous one, however I think it would look better with the same white - to- black text, but with a darker background and a narrower content section.

Oh, and also, there should be a comma in the first line. It was a cold night, that was positive. Furthermore, sandpaper-like should have a hyphen between it, as they are linked. Finally, instead of he cared a huge sense of authority with him, it should be carried. Simple typos. :)

Now onto the actual story!

I like Lottie's character so far; despite her sarcastic bravado she actually reacts to traumatic experiences appropriately. I say this because a lot of oc's don't react when faced with the Joker gunning down a whole crowd - and yet Lottie seems much more realistic and relatable.

"Of course, I was listening. You just can't turn off and on hearing. I just wasn't paying attention. But now you have my full and uninterrupted self."

This made me laugh. I like Lottie's humour.

He never finished his sentence because before he could, he was shot dead.

Cliffhangers. I'm kidding, it's a good hook. Even though we know who it is, the abruptness of it is enough for us to go onto the next chapter.

Panic…Fear…Uncertainty;

You don't need to capitalize the last two words. :)

Out of all the chapters, chapter three is by far my favourite. The descriptions are lovely, and of course there's the Joker to brighten it all up too.

I love your characterization of the Joker. All the little phrases you use seem to encapsulate his actions perfectly. Examples being;

“Hello…Socialites’, enjoying the party?” He sneered

...Joker who was smiling broadly in sadistic pleasure

bemused expression set on his face as he walked lazily to me

“Sticks and stones, pumpkin, sticks and stones”

^ I adored this line especially.

“Rest in peace, bitches,” snarled another one.

wow I'm such an asshole for laughing at this.

I enjoyed the Charlotte-Joker interactions as well. :3 Can't wait to see more.

The only thing I don't like about this chapter is how you bolded and capitalized the 'light em up boys' bit. (although the dialouge was very Joker). You've already said that he screamed it, there's no need to both bold it and capitalize it. Again, I'm a nitpicky S.O.B, so moving on.

The fourth chapter was a little too short, but as you said you cut the original in half so I won't dwell on it too much. But, lke I mentioned before, Lottie's reaction to the 'aftermath' was spot-on and realistic, so well done for that.

Everybody died, well not me, but you get the idea.

I feel as if this is phrased a little awkwardly. Instead of that, maybe you should substitue the comma for another punctuation mark, like this;

Everybody died - well, not me, but you get the idea.

It flows a little better and makes for easier reading. A few of your sentences are a bit run-on, so I would suggest breaking them up with punctuation.

The world must suspect that one can immediately bounce back after seeing a slaughter take place. It’s unfortunately not that easy.

Realism. Love it.

The description of the sun's rays was lovely, one of my favourites bits of the chapter. The 'Harley-Quinn' bit made me giggle. I'm sure she'll prove to be completely different.

I also agree with NuclearRebel1039 - the present tense is a nice touch. It feels like you're travelling with them.

Anyway, that's all the input I can think of at this point; I'll comment next time you update! I've subbed.

@ nick santino.
Thank you so much for the comment. And I did change the layout, and I must say it's looks a lot better than before. Have a wonderful day. :)

I’m not gonna lie, this isn’t what i’d usually classify as my cup of tea, quite the opposite actually, but i’ve got to hand it to you; you’ve really given this genre a new spin. I really was pleasantly surprised with this story, you honestly took a genre and a concept which so many have used in such an over rated and mundane manner and transformed it into a piece which even the most cynical and sceptical and pessimistic person could read and thoroughly enjoy, regardless of their own preconceptions towards the subject manner. The only criticism which I might suggest is using a patterned background instead of plain block colours, as that really detracts from the whole reading experience in my opinion, and just a slightly lighter touch would really make all the difference whilst still maintaining that dark atmosphere which you’re obviously leaning towards. The other stipulation which I would point out is your grammar and punctuation, this mainly gets to me because i’m such a stickler for correct comprehension and spelling punctuation and the use of such things in fanfiction. Overall though, you’ve really impressed me, which is no easy feat, particularly in this genre, so I tip my hat off to you! Keep up the excellent work!

@ NuclearRebel1039
Thank you, so much on the comment. And, I am actually fixing the color of the font. :) Have a wonderful day.

i love the description, you're really good at conveying the surroundings. I also like that the story is in present tense, it gives the readers the feeling that they are traveling with the characters--you know, like experiencing the story with them. The only thing, i know it's a dark story, but it's a little hard to read with the black background and neon purple lettering. Other than that, good story