Smarties and Sweethearts - Comments

@ MrsDCriss589
Yay! That's great; I love surprising/shocking readers!!!

Definitely not EEP

@ Dolphin of Glass
Well thank you for reading and commenting! It's much appreciated.

My favorite candies are Junior Mints and KitKats!! Great story by the way. :)

Thoughts on chapter 4:
It was very entertaining. You know exactly just how much of what is needed in the story. You don’t overbear the page or the reader. I believe anything that the reader can do without needs to go. And there was nothing in this chapter that needed to go. I loved it. Great job.
Mistakes and errors:

1. Leigha was back to her drinking and party. (It’s best if you use ‘partying’ instead of just ‘party’)
2. Everyone was eagerly awaiting for those two events, except for me. (‘awaiting for’ is wrong. We have ‘waiting for’ but not ‘awaiting for’. If you’d like to use the word ‘await’, then you need to put it like this: Everyone was eagerly awaiting those two events, except for me.)

3. He had failed to contact me after I had dropped him off by his care. (Care=car)
4. In the fall I would be going to college to become… (I’m not sure if you need a ‘the’ before ‘fall’)
5. The only thing selling this place now were legs, chests, and smiles. (Thing=things, it should be plural here.)
6. “Have fun. Be safe. No love no glove... if its a guy.” (its=it’s)
7. But why at midnight. (You need a question mark instead of a period.)
8. …but I was to eager to believe Dan hadn't turned on me… (to=too)
9. When my face had been caked with make up… (make up=makeup or make-up)
10. “Not too raunchy. The demographics is for women. They don't want to see young girls baring everything and biting lollipops.” (is=are)
11. “I hate suits,” he said and hoped onto the table… (hoped=hopped)

Thoughts on chapter 5:
Oh. It was so short. : (
But I did like it. The smartness is still going on. And you’re still my favorite writer in Mibba. And you know I’m not nice and I’m too frank. So I’m not just saying that. I think you have a future as a writer.
Mistakes and errors:
1. Fire burned between are two bodies as I pushed him so he would lay… (I think the ‘are’ is not supposed to be there.)
2. He stared at me and made me feel as if I was even more naked, as if even my skin had been riped off and exposed. (Riped off=ripped off)

Thoughts on chapter 6:
Oh, I’m not gonna bore you with more. I loved it again. Ok? There is so much material and detail in your work. Things keep happening and interesting people keep appearing. So far, I love the main character.
Errors and mistakes:
1. Homemade pancakes would have been more welcomed but neither Dan or I had the luxury of cooking for me every morning. (neither Dan or=neither Dan nor)

2. There would be a meeting today some time after school at the auditorium… (some time=sometime)
3. This way I would appear at least a bit thinner to the make up and designer people as well as look like like I wasn't dead from the lack of sleep. (make up=makeup or make-up – there are two ‘like’s there. One is repeated!)
4. I had never felt fat in my life until the moment I saw the girls stare at me as I passed and see me as no threat. (You should rephrase this one. It takes too much time to figure out what it means.)

I’m gonna read the next chapter and comment as soon as possible. I believe you deserve more readers. I would love to help you promote this one. I’d do it if you ask me.

Just started to read, can't wait for the next update

I just read chapter 2 and 3. It was very entertaining what happened with her girlfriend. And Dan, oh I don’t like him yet. But the main character, I like. She’s Asian. Who doesn't love Asians? And I’m really interested in what’s to come next. The modeling thing must be fun.

@ Kaaren Nafar
Thank you so much! That really really means a lot.

Oh my God. My eye caught this part as I was just skimming: I was mortified. I scrambled for an explanation. “No. Not at all. You just didn't have a wife. So I just went for the opposite because- oh jeez! You have a girlfriend don't you? No maybe a boyfriend. Maybe both. I'm so sorry. It's just that-”

And I decided I have to finish this piece. It was way too funny.” Maybe both.” Ha ha. That’s too funny.
I actually felt like sweating when I started reading it, nice description. I also read your other story. And I think this one is almost flawless. You are officially my first favorite writer in Mibba. The story was fun, funny, smart, and sexy. Good job ;) I’m recommending you and your story. 
Mistake in Chapter one:
I took my time collected dozens of candy. (I took my time collecting dozens of candy.)

I like this lot :3 update soooon!

Is that chapter finished??

@ Septemberxo
Thank you! I enjoy your comment. It means a lot :)

@ kota is not a robot.
Yeah as you can see the trouble just keeps piling on. Do you still love Dan as much? Thanks for the comment!!

@ Fair
Thank you Fair for your comments. All of you guys have just been amazing so THANK YOU!

I adore this story so much

Aw, I love Marnie! She's so cute but kind of troubled. I honestly want things to work out for her and Dan because I love him so much. Well, I guess I should say I want things to work out for Marnie and Dan when she turns eighteen. I also really love her dads and how much they care about her! Leigha is such a jerk though. I just wanted to hit her, ugh. And Eliza. Girls are just horrible. I like that she's pursuing modeling as well. Go Marnie! Haha, but I can't wait to see where this story goes. I love it, you're a talented writer!

I am so completely sorry I haven't commented on this. I am so in love with this story BUT I just haven't gotten around to commenting on it and I have no idea why.

I really adore your character development, it's done very well and I feel as though I know these characters without knowing too much or not knowing enough about them, it's a really great thing. I also love the length of your chapters. I think they're pretty long but while reading they go by so quickly I don't even notice!

I adore this story so much and it's just really great to read, I'm sorry I didn't comment earlier but I'll try to comment more often. c: Keep updating pleeeeeeeese.

I love this story! It's so interesting.

@ MelonieHail
thanks!! I'll try to update regularly.

This sounds super interesting! And it's making me sweat just reading it haha. I work at a movie theatre so i deal with candy some. Can't wait to read more!
-Mel