I Can Feel You Forgetting Me - Comments

  • Maud

    Maud (100)

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    Comment swap! -

    I don't usually read musician fics, but I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed this one!
    I'm personally a big fan of Matthew Tuck - been listening to Bullet since I was in high school!

    Your writing style is lovely. I love the choice of words you use to describe the protagonist's vulnerability and emotional state. It makes her 3-dimensional, and more easy to connect to as a character.
    I was in constant suspense the whole story, I had no idea whether Elizabeth was going to give him a chance or not.
    Definitely a powerful ending as well, the climatic harshness of reality and truth finally being exposed was great. The last quote was the icing on the literary cake.

    :)
    October 30th, 2014 at 02:08am
  • Scarlet Witch

    Scarlet Witch (100)

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    Oh my gosh this was really sad. Its sad how even though she likes him, she wont mention that because she thinks he would forget her. And nomatter the want to jump and take a risk she wont because shes afraid to get hurt, afraid to love a rockstar who would most likely hurt her or forget her. This was a beautiful yet sad story. Very nice writing. You have talent :-)
    December 22nd, 2013 at 06:32am
  • Elephant PJs

    Elephant PJs (365)

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    Love the lyric in the summary, and I'm so glad this is the sequel to A Heart Worth Breaking. I love the picture you used in the layout too. It's very ominous.
    Your description is immaculate once again, and you truly have a gift for creating strong character voices in third person. Elizabeth's guilt and shame leaks into everything, and you make me feel so sorry for her, just through her self-disappointment.
    It was absolutely perfect how she didn't play into Matt's comment in the prequel. I mean you can tell she feels something for him, but she won't let him hurt her like he could and that's really admirable, and strong.

    You do have a wee typo in the last line though. You use 'why' instead of 'by'. Otherwise, it's my favourite line in the whole piece. It's very powerful.

    Good luck in the contest.
    December 20th, 2013 at 11:25am
  • Xxsabrinaxx11

    Xxsabrinaxx11 (100)

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    Comment swap here -

    Wow this was quite descriptive and beautiful, I liked reading how detailed you put in on the bruises and how she felt about the hole situation afterwards. Oh btw, after reading this I went and looked up who he was and well damn, ahaha. Very nice story you have written!! :D I love reading different types of fanfictions and this was was great very nicely written :D It was also sad how she just how rock stars are and what not.
    December 9th, 2013 at 09:19pm
  • Moonbeam18

    Moonbeam18 (100)

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    I really like this! Not at all what I expected out of a fan fiction. The details make this story, and you do a great job at keeping variety so it doesn't get boring.
    Only a couple technical issues. The final sentence you have "why" instead of "by" , and in the first sentence I think it should end with "in" rather than "to."
    Other than that, great job and you've made me a fan!
    October 21st, 2013 at 10:56pm
  • Bubblegum Pops

    Bubblegum Pops (100)

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    Comment swap here --

    I definitely agree with Violet Olivia. I had no idea who Matt Tuck was, either. But this was good! I like the layout. It's simple and not blinding my eyes completely. Nice job!

    (:
    October 20th, 2013 at 01:00am
  • Violet Olivia

    Violet Olivia (100)

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    Comment swap -

    So I had no idea who Matt Tuck was until I got to the author's note, lol. I'll have to give them a listen.
    Anywho, I loved your attention to certain details. The way you described Matt was great. I'm definitely going to have to check out the prequel.
    I feel for Elizabeth. Poor girl.

    I liked it. Not huge on fan fictions, but you did a wonderful job with this!
    October 9th, 2013 at 12:34am
  • Timeless

    Timeless (100)

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    Aw, this made me so sad. Your attention to certain details is wonderful without being too much. That's hard to manage, so kudos.

    Damn, Matthew sounds like he's a beast in bed because that's a lot of marks. This story just seems so sad because at first Matthew was miserable because of unknown lady and now that, and I'm totally assuming, he found someone who he is really attracted to believes that she is nothing more than a one night stand.

    And Poor Elizabeth. Oh my heart went out to her at the thought of her dream job slipping away like feathers in the wind. It sucks that her wonderful night should be tainted by her dream being thrown away. You are so good at the sad stories :(

    Overall, I'm so impressed by you. <3
    August 16th, 2013 at 10:04pm
  • Snow.White.Queen.

    Snow.White.Queen. (100)

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    @ amabie.
    Ah you're spoiling me with comments today guurl! Aha I'm thinking of making it a story actually, so keep a look out. Wink
    August 15th, 2013 at 07:05pm
  • amabie.

    amabie. (150)

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    your description is really good babe wish I was as good you really know how to set up a scene :) I loved the prequel and love this even more I agree with the comment below that you should make this into a story that would be awesome.

    I love sexy dominant Matt hes my favourite Happy face
    why didn't she stay and spend all day having awesome sex with Matt omg. Guurl you crazy.
    this would be awesome as a story you should do it Cute
    August 15th, 2013 at 07:02pm
  • EzioAuditore

    EzioAuditore (100)

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    Without reading the prequel this story missed some kind of flow, but that's alright, since it's a sequel.
    I don't wanna say this is bad, because it isn't. I just feel like this story was missing something.Maybe for a one shot, it was a little too simple, too uneventful. I think this would look really good as a regular story, but that's just a suggestion. There's many things that can be played with with their relationship now.

    Anywhore, I think this was good. I loved the way you described the scenes for example. You used really nice words to tell what is going on in her head and it was really easy to follow. It was easy to picture everything to very many details, so that was really good. Definitely a plus, I love that about stories.
    August 4th, 2013 at 11:20am
  • dr. faustus

    dr. faustus (1070)

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    I didn't have the honor of reading the prequel, but for a short story, I liked this. Third person worked well here for me because I', not too familiar with these characters and having an unknown narrator tell me this story made me visualize better, if that makes any sense.

    From the first paragraph and later during the chapter, I got an overall feeling of who this girl was, her job created this person who drank, and had one night stands, because the people she worked for or was working for had ethics like that and I saw a little bit of her personality come through when she said she was a woman of morals, but she knew that line was going to be crossed sooner or later.

    The paragraph where the bruising on her body was being described was another characteristic of Elizabeth where apparently she liked it pretty rough in bed, she had a wild and free spirit, and I like that the most in female characters and that even though she wanted to continue seeing Matt, she put her career first, which was pretty cool, too.

    There were times I had to re-read sentences because they seemed too wordy or was missing words, but other than that I thought your diction was all right.

    Toward the end, I wasn't sure if you meant to put "why" or not, but I felt "by" would have made more sense, but I could be wrong.

    Overall, this was short and sweet and I liked it.
    August 2nd, 2013 at 07:55am
  • AngelicWasteland;

    AngelicWasteland; (100)

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    *comment swap*

    Too start off with I love your layout and banner! Your writing style is great and the description you use is amazing (I love description), your spelling and grammar was good, I didn't notice any mistakes... Normally on the comment swap people like constructive criticism as well but I can't think of anything, nothing made me stop reading, the flows awesome and even though I know nothing about BFMV I loved it!! Good job x
    July 31st, 2013 at 02:17pm
  • Clever Tomato

    Clever Tomato (100)

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    Wow, I'm really glad I was brought to your story!
    I almost squealed when I found out this was Matthew from BFMV xD
    Your writing style is really awesome and you have great grammar/spelling.
    I usually don't read fics with heterosexual hints to them(lol imma faghag) but I'm so glad I read this one!
    Keep writing :3
    July 31st, 2013 at 05:49am
  • Loveless!

    Loveless! (100)

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    Forgot to mention the comment swap brought me here
    July 31st, 2013 at 05:09am
  • Loveless!

    Loveless! (100)

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    Well i have no idea what the story is about but i do love your writing the first paragraph gives you a hook! legit hook the description is amazing i can taste and smell what she did. His description was amazing! As a reader i can say writers like you make reading fun
    July 31st, 2013 at 05:05am
  • Panic!Attacks

    Panic!Attacks (100)

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    from comment swap hi there :) First off I love your layout: It's simplistic, alluring, beautiful, and perfect. It's easy on the eyes. Now to second off, I love how you pay such close attention to detail. This sounds very cliche but your words really do paint a picture in my head. Your story plays out in my head like a movie plays out on a screen. I can picture it perfectly. I love when stories do that to me. It makes all of it so much better. This is very well written.It grabs you with the layout and keeps you with the writing. Really good :)
    July 31st, 2013 at 03:04am
  • harley is awkward.

    harley is awkward. (100)

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    Hello! I'm here from the comment swap and I also commented on the prequel because of comment swap. So it's kind of like 'Hello again!'

    Anyway, I love your layout. I love purple themes. :)

    I've heard of Bullet For My Valentine but I've never really listened to them. Maybe a couple of songs but that's about it. I didn't know that when I read the prequel.

    Your writing style is great and I love the way you describe things. I could visualize every moment. and your grammar and spelling is great. I didn't see any errors so that's always good.

    Overall, it was great.

    xoxo,
    Harley
    July 31st, 2013 at 02:15am
  • MrsMargera

    MrsMargera (100)

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    I really like this story because I liked the prequel as well and I really love how you describe Elizabeth as an independet woman who struggels with her own morals. :) I enjoyed reading!
    July 30th, 2013 at 08:37am
  • German13

    German13 (200)

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    *Comment Swap*
    First, your descriptions are amazing! I could feel everything she was feeling and it was very easy to read. I would suggest to try not to use the same descriptions twice in the same chapter though. You used "Her small frame" a few times very close together. Once is enough to make the point across. Other than that, good job!
    July 30th, 2013 at 06:11am