The Six A.M. Bus - Comments

Summary
The summary is incorrectly capitalized. Other than that, it doesn’t really give off too much information which is good.

She’s just a normal girl, that [That is usually used for inanimate objects and animals, AP says so. It’s not wrong though; it’s just that it’s a human person so it’s better to use ‘who’ than ‘that’] takes the bus every morning at six am. He's just a stranger that sits right across the aisle in the seat in front of her.

Content
The chapter really flows nicely; I can see the evidence of interplay between the elements. It’s realistic because even I would be shy talking to unfamiliar people. I would be extremely shy if the person I want to talk to is a person that I like! Anyway, I just didn’t quite like the last part because it was too cheesy? No, actually, it didn’t become realistic at the end but I suppose it’s okay. It’s just that I can’t imagine the characters saying those lines without cringing.

Overall
Whenever I read a story, I imagine it in my mind and see if the interplay between the elements is present. From there, I can base my opinion of the story.

The concept is really good. I’m delighted in the fact that you based this from a real-life event. The fact that you turned it into your own is pretty amazing.

There are a lot of grammatical mistakes. Granted that the right usage of ‘that’ and ‘who’ is a bit of a gray area since both are correct but ‘that’ is mostly used for inanimate objects or animals whereas ‘who’ is used for humans. Another mistake that I mostly saw in the story was the incorrect usage of punctuation. Every punctuation mark has a different use so it’s not possible for two to be beside each other.

For example, the sentence, “What if Victor really doesn't return?.”

If you’re asking a question, you should just leave it with a question mark. A period is to indicate the end of a declarative sentence which that is not. A comma, on the other hand, is used to separate an independent clause from a dependent clause. You cannot use them on two independent clauses.

If you’re not confident about your grammar, feel free to consult in the Requesting a Site Beta thread because now that Mibba has beta readers, you can ask them to check your grammar. You need to proofread this piece more and edit the corrections.

Helpful Links:
Knowledge Base: Grammar

Hi! I love the thought of this story line. I think you did a great job at portraying their emotions and thoughts. I did, however, find it hard at times to focus on the story due to the lack of sentence structure. I think that with a litte bit of editing this story could be really good. Thanks for writing. It!