Hello, My Old Heart - Comments

This is amazing. I love the main character's personality and her view on things. The way she was in the relationship is completely relatable; the saying I love you back even though you don't really mean it, but you just can't not say it back, and then you stay with them for some reason, and you keep saying it back, and without you realizing it, it becomes true and they it ends and you're left alone, and you don't think it will matter, but then it completely sucks.

And you just have to get over it.

I think you illustrated that so well.

First off, I really love this layout.

Secondly, I've completely fallen in love with this story. The first part I can definitely relate to. You always get into a relationship and they say I love you first. You can't NOT say it back, so you do. Then time goes on and you break it off and you figure out you really do. I've been through that situation and I'm still sitting here in love with this person; so I can definitely relate to this story!

I can truly feel the heartbreak of the narrator as she sees him walk with another girl and how she doesn't hear from him for months on end. Not only did you describe it will, but I've been in that exact position. This story really, really hit home for me.

Usually I talk about some things the writer can fix here, but you have zero mistakes for this story. You have a beautiful, heartfelt piece and I'm SO happy I came across this amazing story. Thanks for a great read!

@ laredo.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate your feedback! I'm glad you liked it!

@ losing control.
Ah, thank you for picking up on that! Silly mistake of mine. But thank you very much, I appreciate your feedback!

Wow, I have to say that this was the best thing I've read in a long time. It was simple, but extremely descriptive. I could see it in my head like a movie.

I like your writing style, because it was easy for me as the reader to relate to the story. And the first line was extremely catchy, and it took my attention immediately.

I like how you created the characters, and how they were both looking for something casual, but they fell in love. I think your main character (the narrator) was really relatable. Everybody has felt that heart dropping, moving on feeling before. You wrote it rather poetically.

I loved this.

I really like your writing style. This was a very simple and relateable story, and the way you manipulated your sentences was really interesting. I find stories that have the same length of sentences tend to be monotonous, but you did a really good job with different sentence lengths and what not.

I liked the beginning of this one shot. The very first sentence captured my attention and made me want to read more and know why she would lie about something like that. You also told a really big story in such a small amount of words, if that makes sense, but it didn't seem rushed or overwhelming or anything.

There was one thing I noticed:
I was at the gas station pumping fuel into my second-hand pick-up when I seen him
"Seen him" should be "saw him".

Other than that, very nice story! Well done