Skarlet Parker: The Twisted Snakes - Comments

@ Discoveringclouds first of all thank you for reading my story and second of all thank you for the feedback as some of your questions have given me ideas I could use to improve the story. First of all when she is 13 she joined a gang called the snakes who killed people, and for your next question she gets paid a lot for being an assassin so she could afford a flight to London. . Anyways thank you again for reding and following the story stay around for more updates

@ discoveringclouds
Your points are correct, they need discussing in the redrafting for sure

As per your request I have come to read your story. After the first chapter here are my thoughts.

Interesting beginning. There is a lack of setting though so it is hard to imagine the place.

Next, I don't see the point of her questioning his sexuality, it's really vague and to be honest doesn't she have anything else to think about? He added one word to his sentence and she doesn't think that is cute or interesting but instead her mind dives into the gutter.

Next, she's a killer. It's a storyline, yes. But there is no humanity in her. We expect a character who will change but you have made a character who is absolutely perfect(Read:cliche).

Next, she's probably a teenager or a 20 year old, I don't see how she can be so comfortable overexposing herself and being seductive. It's not normal girl behaviour. It's not in their nature to be so shallow and appreciate themselves on it.

Next, a thirteen year old killer? How did she possibly get near people when she is a tiny little person. It's an interesting idea so you should tell the back story.

Also how did she get to London? Does she have a job or something to pay for it?