Progress - Comments

@ Fleh?
<3 Thank you for putting that into words. I knew there was something off but I couldn't put my finger on it. Def. gonna go back and edit this shit. Thanks!

Ch.1- Awesome chapter dude c: One comment I can make is that you should try to separate actions vs thoughts. You're great at using metaphors and hyperboles, but mixing them with real-time actions gets confusing and makes the figurative language lose it's meaning.

@ margarine megurine
Thank you so much for your review! Grammar (specifically commas) have always been my downfall. Hopefully I'll continue to improve though. I really appreciate the input!

I'm very interested in this story. The summary is enticing in my opinion because it's well-written and it doesn't bombard you with information. It's straightforward but controlled.

The prologue is also well-written except for some grammatical errors here and there. I also noticed that it's not properly formatted. According to Mibba guidelines, we use block formatting which is leaving a blank line between paragraphs.

We noticed them. But we ignored them all the same.
That shouldn't be separated with a period.

On August 5th a hotel in Los Angeles erupted in flames.
There are some sentences like this in the prologue. After 'August 5th', there should be a comma separating the both since 'on August 5th' is a dependent clause and 'a hotel in Los Angeles erupted in flames' is an independent clause. A comma is used to separate those two.

Like I've said, there are some grammatical errors in the prologue. If you can proofread it or ask for help in the Requesting a Site Beta thread, then the problem can be solved. Overall, it's a good story but with some grammatical errors

@ tall-bird
oh god thats terrifying. but yessss as i shall with your stuff!

@ Fleh?
ilu so much oh my god. thank you. also im totally gonna read literally every thing you ever write ever

omg it's so good. now i have to update my shit cause i wanna see yours ;/ keep it up sunshine c: