This is well written and it has a very sweet idea. I like that it is different and isn't something that's usually entered in NHL contests. Having said that, there is no mention of names or the NHL. Had I not looked back on the original message, I wouldn't have known who this was about nor would I have known it was for an NHL contest. It's good to get away from the norm a little, but when you enter a contest for a certain thing I feel that it should be included within the story. It doesn't have to be all over, but mentioning a name would be helpful to the judge and to your readers. Also, there was a lack of dialogue and that is both good and bad. Yes, you created a vivid picture of things, but I, personally, felt it was lacking a little something because of the description and the lack of talking among the characters. It's hard when kind of writing for someone else to know what they're looking for, so I do get it. Still though, I think it would have given it more if there were a conversation or two had somewhere. It just feels very one sided, as though there is only one character. Using differing POVs wouldn't have worked for this, but just adding in a little dialogue would have really made it amazing.--That could just be me though lol...Maybe I'm just needy... The way you described your destination was done very well. It sounded beautiful and obviously held meaning to the characters. the end was sweet too when his mom requested the trip to all the places... All in all, this is just my opinion lol. The concept and the description is great. It's very different and for some that's great, others it's not, and some are okay with it lol. I'm on hte fence about it...i like that it's different, but I don't at the same time...IDk lol I'm still thinking, which is not something I want to do at the moment lol.
Having said that, there is no mention of names or the NHL. Had I not looked back on the original message, I wouldn't have known who this was about nor would I have known it was for an NHL contest. It's good to get away from the norm a little, but when you enter a contest for a certain thing I feel that it should be included within the story. It doesn't have to be all over, but mentioning a name would be helpful to the judge and to your readers.
Also, there was a lack of dialogue and that is both good and bad. Yes, you created a vivid picture of things, but I, personally, felt it was lacking a little something because of the description and the lack of talking among the characters. It's hard when kind of writing for someone else to know what they're looking for, so I do get it. Still though, I think it would have given it more if there were a conversation or two had somewhere. It just feels very one sided, as though there is only one character. Using differing POVs wouldn't have worked for this, but just adding in a little dialogue would have really made it amazing.--That could just be me though lol...Maybe I'm just needy...
The way you described your destination was done very well. It sounded beautiful and obviously held meaning to the characters. the end was sweet too when his mom requested the trip to all the places...
All in all, this is just my opinion lol. The concept and the description is great. It's very different and for some that's great, others it's not, and some are okay with it lol. I'm on hte fence about it...i like that it's different, but I don't at the same time...IDk lol I'm still thinking, which is not something I want to do at the moment lol.
Winners should be posted sometime tomorrow!