I think the concept is really cute and it's quite romantic what Nate does for her. I did really like the first food simile, comparing the domes of St. Basil's Cathedral to frosted cupcakes. I kind of got lost when snowflakes became sprinkles and hair became cake. I think you came up with some really unique and interesting descriptions, they just felt forced at some points in my opinion. I sensed that you were trying to be extremely poetic to capture the beauty and mysticism of this moment of her experiencing real snow for the first time. It worked sporadically, just not all the time. For example, his mouth tasted like fireworks didn't quite make sense to me. I assumed that you were trying to go for how it felt, like fireworks going off inside her, but the wording just didn't convey that effectively. You don't eat fireworks so I don't know why you'd know what they taste like (I'm assuming they taste like cardboard and gunpowder). However, like I said, it did work in some places, like when you described their actions towards each other.
The one issue I did see is that you seem to overuse commas quite a bit and lack other punctuation, as well as capitalisation. Entire paragraphs are one long run on sentence. There's a 134 word sentence in this story and it doesn't really work. You connect a lot of separate, independent clauses with commas when they would read better with a full stop between them, or at least a semi-colon is there's a connection between them.
However, I thought you utilised the setting nicely and liked that you kept weaving it into the narrative. You really made the setting crucial and almost a character itself. While Russia + snow is a bit of an obvious cliche, you pulled it off and I liked that you took a little time to describe the architecture. That was my favourite part.
It was a cute little one-shot. I think grammatically it could use some polishing, but other than that, it's a sweet moment in time piece.
The one issue I did see is that you seem to overuse commas quite a bit and lack other punctuation, as well as capitalisation. Entire paragraphs are one long run on sentence. There's a 134 word sentence in this story and it doesn't really work. You connect a lot of separate, independent clauses with commas when they would read better with a full stop between them, or at least a semi-colon is there's a connection between them.
However, I thought you utilised the setting nicely and liked that you kept weaving it into the narrative. You really made the setting crucial and almost a character itself. While Russia + snow is a bit of an obvious cliche, you pulled it off and I liked that you took a little time to describe the architecture. That was my favourite part.
It was a cute little one-shot. I think grammatically it could use some polishing, but other than that, it's a sweet moment in time piece.