Well, first of all, thank you for entering my contest. I really liked what you did with the plot, using the lyrics that you chose. It was definitely a creative take on them. I liked that at first, there was a cute bit to get the reader attached and fond of the characters, and then a conflict (the car crash). The characters were both very sweet. c:
Now on to the technical part: There were a few grammar/spelling errors, but they're minor and not that big of a deal. I'm sure if you went through and proofread you'd catch all of them. I'm also confused about the outcome of the story. Did they both live, or was Zayne visiting Keaton in some sort of postmortem vision? I would have liked there to be a bit more clarification with that. Another thing I'd like to point out is that there could have been a wee bit more detail, especially in describing the character's love for each other and their relationship. I also wish the characters could have been developed a bit more, so that you could see the clear definition between their personalities and how they mesh (that being said, I do realize this is a one-shot.)
Overall, I like this piece. It was creative and you used the lyrics beautifully! Thanks again for joining! <3
I really liked what you did with the plot, using the lyrics that you chose. It was definitely a creative take on them. I liked that at first, there was a cute bit to get the reader attached and fond of the characters, and then a conflict (the car crash).
The characters were both very sweet. c:
Now on to the technical part:
There were a few grammar/spelling errors, but they're minor and not that big of a deal. I'm sure if you went through and proofread you'd catch all of them.
I'm also confused about the outcome of the story. Did they both live, or was Zayne visiting Keaton in some sort of postmortem vision? I would have liked there to be a bit more clarification with that.
Another thing I'd like to point out is that there could have been a wee bit more detail, especially in describing the character's love for each other and their relationship. I also wish the characters could have been developed a bit more, so that you could see the clear definition between their personalities and how they mesh (that being said, I do realize this is a one-shot.)
Overall, I like this piece. It was creative and you used the lyrics beautifully! Thanks again for joining! <3