Forgotten Promises - Comments

@ Haylie Jaed thank you! The cell phone thing was an accident. When I double space by accident it automatically puts a period in its space. It gets on my nerves lol. But thank you. I needed some advice that was straight honest.

I hail from the land of comment swap. (=

I quite like the story that you have going. It's one of those things that you see written about a lot - childhood friends reuniting - but by saying that they might not like it, you've added a twist that I don't too often see. So it would be interesting to see where you take this. =)

The first thing I noticed upon opening the first chapter was that it was in block form, which is a pet-peeve of most people and definitely turns readers away. Try separating each of your paragraphs with a space, to make things easier on the eyes and hold people's attention for longer. =)

I feel like the first paragraph of the third chapter wasn't really needed. It contains boring information - my mother woke me, I did some errands, I got dressed into these clothes. Think of it this way - if you would skip through a paragraph while reading something, your readers will probably do the same.

Your spelling is quite good! I don't recall having seen any mistakes, so that's a breath of fresh air. =) Some lines look like you've put a full stop where you should't, though. For example: "I changed into jean shorts and before I could pick out a shirt my. Cell phone rang." Obviously it should be one line, not two, so I thought I'd point that out.

All in all, I think you have something interesting going for you, and I hope you continue to write and enjoy it. =)