I've Been Looking for You, Lonestar! - Comments

@ Lulie Belle
Thanks a lot! I know that my English is very bad, I'm sorry. I'm trying to do the best that I can and I hope that I can get better. But I'm very happy that you like my story however.
Thanks again!!! <3

I'm not sure how I feel about this? I kind of like the passion and the descriptions, but you had a few wording errors in the beginning and even a few small grammar things that threw me for a loop in some places.... I'm going to say that the good trumps the bad, so I like it :) I think the idea for it was very interesting and I love the way you describe Rayon in the beginning, this is unique, and I can tell that you had a lot of fun with it.

Oh my god! Thanks a lot for your words. You don't know how much I appreciate them.
I wrote this story long ago on the spot and I'm glad you felt the love and passion as a backdrop
to the story, because these are the feelings that led me to write it.
I'm an Echelon so I love and respect Jared deeply. And seeing him as the sweet and lovely Rayon makes me really proud of him.
However, it was already difficult for me to express these emotions in my native language. If I could do it even English, well ... it only fills me with joy.
Thanks again!!! <3

This was really descriptive and you have a nice, clear writing style! I like the juxtaposition of the characters and their differences in the way that they were dressed; it showed contrast and also showed more about them as people. Plus, the hot-and-heavy scene was well-written and not awkward at all; there wasn't any weird phrasing like I've seen far too often in other stories. There was a lot of passion all throughout the narration, and you wrote it really well. Awesome job! :)