Becoming Self - Comments

Not exactly my style of reading but when it comes to your writing it's awesome. I really love the detail that you put into things. Some of the storyline is a bit choppy but I kind of filled in the pieces myself. All in all, I think your format, grammar, and details are great. :]

@ smoke signals.
I'm dreadfully sorry you couldn't read this. I find myself in the situation where contemporaries don't seem to understand my work. I find even amongst readers of gay fiction, if such a genre exists, my work is want to find loyal readership. In fact I had one writing instructor that told me I should give up writing altogether and become a doctor. I'm starting to believe that it is my destiny to be a person of letters whom no longer writes. In other words, I'm doomed to my version of hell.

As for the caps issue, it is a matter of shifting between scenes. As for the the issue of info overload, that can't be helped. It's apart of the character's psyche. In fact it's one of his many flaws, of which repeated word use is one.

Is this a slash? That's what I picked up on in the summary and part of the first chapter and I'm sorry but I can't actually give you the best feedback you want because after realising that I've already been put off. I'm sorry but personal choice, I personally don't want to read about two blokes (or women for that matter)

It's hard to know what is actually going on, we've just had all this information thrown at us about different heights, hair and what not rather than a plot line running through. I know the guy is sat at the window, but the story would be much more gripping without all the information thrown at us all at once. It was difficult to read and absorb the information too as you used a lot of the same words, which I'm afraid made me tune out a bit. You want to try using different synonyms (especially for the word 'anywhose' and try an use less colloquial language as having BFF and 'rents' thrown in made it more difficult.

I'm afraid to say I had to skip a part of this where the slash had the possibility to kick in... I think you need to go through and check your grammar, and get rid of the sentences that start as capitals and suddenly turn into little letters.

I hope this is constructive enough for you, and I apologise again about not being able to read the whole thing.