This was quite the tragic story. Unrequited love is a pretty common topic for stories, but writing it in second person added a really interesting element to this story. I love writing in, and reading stories written in, second person because you it allows you to really add emotions into the story and get those emotions across to the readers, and you did a really good job of that here. I felt the loneliness and the sadness and bit of bitterness of the characters through the whole story.
However, you sort of switched perspectives in the middle of the story and it felt weird to read. It was almost like you were talking to the reader, which broke the flow and connection you had established in the beginning and made it feel a bit weird. Since you put a name in the story, so the reader sort of turned into Arin, it broke away from the typical second person and almost felt like I was sitting there watching other things happen and I wasn't sure where I was exactly supposed to fit in, if that makes sense. It lost a little bit of emotion to me, which was unfortunate because the whole first bit of the story was really emotional and I had become really invested.
There were also quite a few spelling mistakes and awkwardly worded sentences throughout the story. I know this story is older, but if you were to come back to it I would suggest looking through the story and fixing those up.
Overall though, this was a good story and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for entering!
This was quite the tragic story. Unrequited love is a pretty common topic for stories, but writing it in second person added a really interesting element to this story. I love writing in, and reading stories written in, second person because you it allows you to really add emotions into the story and get those emotions across to the readers, and you did a really good job of that here. I felt the loneliness and the sadness and bit of bitterness of the characters through the whole story.
However, you sort of switched perspectives in the middle of the story and it felt weird to read. It was almost like you were talking to the reader, which broke the flow and connection you had established in the beginning and made it feel a bit weird. Since you put a name in the story, so the reader sort of turned into Arin, it broke away from the typical second person and almost felt like I was sitting there watching other things happen and I wasn't sure where I was exactly supposed to fit in, if that makes sense. It lost a little bit of emotion to me, which was unfortunate because the whole first bit of the story was really emotional and I had become really invested.
There were also quite a few spelling mistakes and awkwardly worded sentences throughout the story. I know this story is older, but if you were to come back to it I would suggest looking through the story and fixing those up.
Overall though, this was a good story and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for entering!