July 9th, 2017 at 09:00am
The layout is readable, but I've never been a big fan of tiling the picture behind it. That's just a personal thing though, and you obviously aren't being judged on the layout, so it doesn't really matter much. As I said, it's readable and I do like the colour you've used for the background of the content section because it blends in nicely with the picture itself.
I like how you took the picture and literally weaved it throughout the story. I do get this air of Rose at the beach during the episode that shall not be named (I'm still emotionally scarred) although maybe that's just because you mention it in the author's note. In all honesty, I like that the narrator isn't described at all because it allows the mind to completely wander free as to who is speaking about it. I do get this sense of despair and desperation from the narrator, which isn't something I would usually attribute to the sea, so props for including that as I think it's quite creative. Most stories I read about the beach talk about calm and happiness, but this seems to be the complete opposite so originality points are noted for that!
I definitely wasn't expecting a rhyme scheme throughout, but that's a really lovely touch! It makes everything flow so well and makes reading so much smoother. I love the repetition of the first line, it just gives it that little bit more emphasis when you repeat it the second time.
Spelling and grammar-wise, I didn't see anything glaringly obvious. I thought that retch was a typo at first but when I read over it again, I realised it wasn't. No issues as far as I can see!
In conclusion, I thought this was nice. An unusual way to write a drabble (yours is the first I've read with such a strong rhyme scheme) but absolutely lovely nonetheless.
I'll be announcing the winners by the 15th, so keep your eyes peeled. Good luck!
This was such a unique drabble. The way you rhymed it like poetry immediately grabbed me, but there was also something alluring about the repetitiveness of the first line. There’s a certain kind of emphasis built around just that one line alone that drew me in. Then you created this… desolate and echoing vibe. Although you didn’t describe the narrator and left that door open, I still connected with them. I still was immersed into the entire feeling surrounding them.
And going back to the rhyme format, I was honestly so amazed with it. It was so natural and fluid, so eloquent. It didn’t feel strange at all. I didn’t even realize it was purposely rhymed until I read it for a second time. It just moves so beautifully. So all in all, fantastic drabble!