Good job on this. Just a couple of things I noted. For one, you seem to be missing a couple of words here and there. The fourth line should read, "He thought back on his life." There were a couple of those throughout. "No one was to blame but him." Just go back and read through carefully and that should be all fixed. I really liked where you went with this, but I did feel as if you could have added more rhetorical devices to make it a bit more interesting. You could add some similes, maybe some alliteration, things like that. You had good sentence variation. I especially liked how you went from a normal length sentence to "A shot, a scream, and silence." Overall, good work!
November 7th, 2013 at 01:55am