Good job on this. I really enjoyed your use of the object. The transition in tone from the beginning to the end of the story was very well done and creative. However, there were many parts that seemed unclear. I would go through and read your story out loud to yourself, just to make sure everything makes sense. I thought your choice to write in second person was interesting. It's well written for a second person viewpoint. One note that could help is if you tried other ways to phrase ideas without the use of "you". This can help make the story less repetitive. Overall, I really enjoyed this.
October 31st, 2013 at 04:21pm