The Phone Book - Comments

Hi I really love this like burning oh my god like the whole first paragraph is so beautiful it just makes me wanna know whoever is talking oh lord Seriously the whole thing just took my breath away.

(I bought the song, I want you to know that, you're a catalyst for my iTunes addiction, thank you )

Okay so, like the other three, I am here from the Seasons of Change contest.

First off, I love Editors so the fact you based it off of a song by them is perfect!

Anyway, as soon as I began reading this story I knew it was going to be something special. Yes, the lack of capitalisation stuck out but to me that's what makes the story all the more haunting and interesting. It's like you've written it in a way that mirrors the way we as people think, if that makes sense?

You leave the reader thinking, wondering about their own life and how much sense your story makes. To me, that is truly remarkable. In a way, this piece is sort of heartbreaking. I felt saddened at the end of this, whether that's to do with what you wrote or the fact it was the end of the story is left to be decided. All in all, the way you write, the poetic and honest words you string together, is utterly beautiful.

Well done!

Hey there! Like the two below, I'm another judge for the Seasons of Change contest.

I have to say, this story was written in a pretty interesting way. It's not really something that I've seen often in stories and with the way its written, it has almost got a haunting aura about it, which I think is perfect given the basis of the contest. It's also got a very poetic feel to it which just adds to the haunting and mysterious aura of the story. The piece is really very beautiful and the stylistic choice of not using capitalization really added to the beauty of it. A lack of capitalization can be an offputting thing but with the way you used it in the story, I think it really added to the effect of it all.

The story gave me the impression of getting into someone's head. Like seeing right into their thoughts. I'm not sure if that was your intention or not but either way, it was a really nice touch. I loved your description, particularly the one in the first paragraph about the blue color. It was quite an interesting way to choose to describe the color.

Overall, I think the story was very beautiful and very well written. You did well on it.

Like Hina, I'm also here as a judge for the Seasons of Change contest!

Hina did already mention it and I think it may be more of a stylistic choice than anything, but the fact that the capitalisation is off does put me off just a little bit. Like I said though, it does seem more like a stylistic choice than anything, so I'll look past that.

Honestly, this piece is beautiful. Everything flows so well and your description is just stellar, really. This seems like a constant train of unedited thoughts and I really like that about it. It seems so raw and...well, real. It's all very realistic and does come across in a really powerful way. I like that you show the stark contrast between day and night within the first two paragraphs as well, but you seem to have this recurring negative theme throughout both.

Your writing style itself is really beautiful; very simplistic and poetic. Your description is absolutely wonderful, a real joy to read through. Like Hina said, you've done an amazing job of portraying the fear of growing older throughout this and sometimes it's incredibly subtle and at other points it isn't.

Absolutely lovely piece, my only issue is the one I highlighted above but between the description and the way you've written this, I don't think it's as important as I thought it was when I first noticed. Good luck!

I'm here for the Seasons of Change contest.

You did a really nice job of portraying humans' fear of getting older. And the fact that you made age into a physical character was a nice touch. It gets points in my book! The only thing that seemd off was the fact that the sentences weren't capitalized whenever a new one started. But other than that, this was a lovely story and it's really poetic. You have an artistic and unique style of writing. I like it! Your extensive use of vocabulary words is beautiful as well.

I hope you keep up the great work!