All Downhill From Here - Comments

I had fallen asleep for a few hours but was rudely awoken by my stomach growling, letting me know that I was extremely hungry. I hadn’t eaten the dinner that Jesse and Andrea made, unfortunately, so I decided to get up and reheat some leftovers – if there were any in the first place. I grabbed the long tin pan from the fridge and took the lid off, revealing the cheesy lasagna. My stomach immediately growled. I grabbed a fork and knife from the drawer and cut out some lasagna and put it on a place, placing it in the microwave. I set it for 30 seconds and then another 30, which somehow managed to make the entire plate as hot as fire, but the food as cold as ice.
I groaned in aggravation and let the plate cool before putting it in for another 30. I pulled it out of the microwave, not caring anymore whether the food was cold or hot, and set it on the counter. I sighed and took a bite of the lasagna, which happened to still be cold, and rolled my eyes. I no longer cared whether or not it was, so I finished the small rectangle I had, rinsed the plate, and put the rest of the lasagna away.

LASAGNA...LASAGNA...LASAGNA...

the story is great, just started watching the show, actually. update soon, please!

Just a little info here, a carton of cigarettes is not like a pack of cigarettes. A carton is anywhere between 8 to 10 packs of cigarettes...why does she carry all of those around? Damn she must smoke a ton.

First off, your character is such a Mary-Sue, but I'll forget about that. Secondly, there are no paragraphs, why? What is the meaning of the no paragraphs? It's very hard to read, it's super bulky, and not to mention, it's an eyesore. The characters seem a bit wonky; it's almost like they don't have any characteristics or personality. Also, I was heavily distracted from many spelling and syntax errors. I could hardly get through the first chapter. It was very repetitive. There was one part where I thought the story was all about just reheating some leftover lasagna.

What could be done to fix this, is for you to review and edit your story before posting it. It will help you a lot throughout the way.

please keep it going! i love the story!

I love this story it's so awsome keep writing jesse is my favorite yeah mr white yeah science

just got into this fandom.
such a great fanfiction.looking forward for a new chapter!