July 25th, 2017 at 07:26am
Oh gosh, I totally relate to the entire first part. Writing music can be so bloody difficult and I think that sometimes when writing stories, people make it look like this effortless mash of chords when it really isn't. It's frustrating, nightmarish and can give you a serious headache and I think you've captured that wonderfully. It reminds me of doing my compositions in high school for music. I hated those and I got the exact feeling that your narrator does here - working to a deadline so it has to be done, but it seems impossible!
You’re a talented writer. You’re just thinking too hard is all. - this is so true. I really like this line. I think too many people over-think things, so it's nice to have that one person that turns around and tells you "hey, slow down and stop thinking so much" because it can really help. In this instance, it didn't help as much, but it's a nice start to trying to calm yourself down. I like that Jimmy seems to be this totally laid-back guy with all the time in the world, as opposed to Vivianna, who seems to be totally stressing so much about everything. It'd be a nice relationship to observe and it reminds me of me and my best friend - that almost comical level of stress from her and my lack of care for anything and everything. It's really lovely to see that written in this and it really does draw me into the story all that more because I can make those connections. I don't know, I think you've written really believable characters and I think that's what I like most about this piece.
Concrit
I'm being really picky with these, but only because this is a good piece! Everything below is pretty much suggestion because I couldn't find much at all to complain about grammar-wise.
I could hear the soft beats from Jimmy’s drum set downstairs, softly sending rhythms up the steps - having variations of soft in the same sentence kind of interrupts the flow a bit. Maybe even try something like gentle beats or calming beats?
I normally wasn’t one for facial hair, but with this man, I loved everything - you could probably forgo the first comma, it disrupts the sentence a little.
Although all of those things were a great bonus - although doesn't need to be capitalised.
up my back and kissing me again.
Shifting his fingers up a couple inches - you're missing a blank line in between these two.
Also, Inspiration at the end doesn't really need to be capitalised either.
Overall
This was super-sweet and really lovely! I really enjoyed reading through this piece!
Awh shucks. Haha. Thank you so much, you're sweet! A lot of my heart goes into my portrayal of us-- I mean him... (
You have no idea how much these comments make me smile! 
You're too sweet. 
I really enjoyed all of the emotion within this piece. I could really tell that Vivianna and Jimmy loved each other from the beginning of the story all the way through to the end, even within the smut, and that was lovely. It was all very realistic, I think, which sometimes gets lost when people write fanfiction. I could imagine all of that happening and that allowed me to really get fully invested in the story and the characters.
I loved that Vivianna and Jimmy were basically complete opposites -- Jimmy was laid back and carefree and Vivianna was a complete ball of stress. It reminds me of me and my boyfriend, I stress about everything and he is super chill and always has to calm me down. I loved that their personalities were what made their relationship work so well and I think you captured it all really well.
There were a few sentences that had repetitive words in the story, so if there was anything to improve on, using some more diverse descriptions could be something. It wasn't didn't detract from the story or anything, but I think being aware of it could really enhance your writing.
I really enjoyed this, thanks for entering!