The Mark - Comments

Emmalee! You are incredible. Seriously, you're such a fantastic writer that I honestly don't know why you don't pursue it professionally.

Anyways -

“Harlow, what's so great about that guy anyways?” A boy...

“So you like him for what he is,” Wyatt concluded
I feel like you should have either mentioned his name in the first sentence he speaks in, or maybe added that he was the boy that had been speaking.

I am loving how sharp Wyatt and Aiden are to ask these questions of Harlow. It's proving to be entertaining.

I do find myself wishing you had given more of a description as to what the setting looks like though, that's the only thing that's really missing I think.

Overall this is absolutely wonderful and it's going into my long list of subscriptions so you better come up with some more for this.

I love how the first chapter ended too by the way. Actually I just loved the first chapter in general. It was a bit long, but when you get past the length it's a wonderful story that you've set in motion.

Seriously. Update this.

I haven't read the first draft you posted but I really like how it's going so far. As a Nano writer myself, I hope you reached your goal and that you wil be updating that story shortly!

I like this story so far

As many times as it takes for you to finish it!!

Which will hopefully be this time because I'm still your loyal #1 fan, okay.

So...I wrote this really nice comment expressing my love for you, submitted it only for the comment to just vanish. ):

To sum it up: Oriana is such a lovely name for such a lovely girl and why do lovely girls get BOYS LIKE HIM DECIDE TO TRY AND RUIN THEY LIFE. LIKE REALLY. HOW RUDE.

There was also a "YOU UPDATED " bit, as well as I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU DEDICATED THIS TO ME BECAUSE I HAVE YOUR LOYAL #1 FAN BECAUSE I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS OKAY YOU CAN.

IT'S BEEN FOUR MONTHS.

Merry Christmas!

I love the layout and the story trailer was great! I liked the introductory chapter, but I'm a litte confused about the setting and such - I'm sure that will come more clear later on in the story. There isn't much to say other than I enjoyed it and wonder where it will go.

This sounds exciting! The language you use is gripping and I'm already hooked, I wish there was more! I adore the layout and I hope December writing month goes well for you. Recommended and subscribed!

I'm doing the site's December writing month as well because who on earth thought to put NaNo in November?? That's like the worst month ever to put it in!

I'm so glad that you're still doing this and just rewriting. You cannot, I repeat, cannot not do this story. It's so good (or at least seems so good/potential to be amazing).

It's been over 20 days since the last chapter. THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!!

What would Kentin think of your slacking??

NaNo, NaNo, NaNo! I've been meaning to check this out for days now so I'm glad you chose this for me to comment on as your contest prize.

I love the layout, firstly. It had this weird misty feeling to it and it intrigues me. That makes no sense, but yeah. It all fits together really nicely and generally makes me excited to read this.

You've started this off with a belter of a line and you've instantly won my favour. I think it just seems so sudden and interesting and it wants to make you read on and find out exactly why your narrator wants the person to die. Everythign seems so vague and still not fully explained in the first chapter, but you do get this sense of what is happening and I love that. It's the perfect opening chapter. Short, sweet and packs a punch (I'M SORRY I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF).

The second chapter starts off really well also. You've got this knack for using these little one-line hooks that drag you right into the chapter and want to make you continue reading. I like that throughout the second and third chapters, you really show how exhausted Oriana is. I've already got this attachment to her and it makes me really sad to see her struggling so much, especially towards the beginning of the third chapter.

I dislike Alexander already. Like...running into her and all that? Surely he was the one that slipped the jewellery in there? And reciting the Oath to get her out of a sentencing? A little extreme, is it not? With all the power he had, he should have been able to do something else about it. Silly man. But yeah, in a non-formal manner, WHAT KAYLEIGH SAID. What an evil, evil man. But then again, he does seem to be doing it for Oriana's good and there are points in which I think he is being quite sweet so I don't actually know. I have mixed feelings about him right now.

You've got this fabulous little government-type thing set up too and it almost seems like this Robin Hood-esque thing, where the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. The rich (Alexander and his family) seem to have all of the say in what happens and the poor (Oriana and her family) seem to have nothing. It's almost like this super-corrupt government where the rich have all of the power over the poor and there isn't much they can do about it.

I like this story, overall. It's like arranged marriage but with this absolutely beautiful twist to it. I'll definitely be subscribing and awaiting more!

Double post.

I AM STALKING THIS BECAUSE OKAY WHO THE HELL DOES ALEXANDER THINK HE IS?? LIKE REALLY?? YOU GET HER INTO TROUBLE AND THEN GO AND SPEAK THE OATH REVOLVING HER??

OH NO, THAT SHIT DOES NOT GO.