So hi I came to the comments to tell you that this story is going so well this far and I'm really excited to have some chaptered Jalex going on in this fanbase that isn't the same as everything else that's be(ing)en written :) Screwed up stories like this are a personal favourite of mine, so I gave it a chance even though it was Jalex because you wrote an awesome summary that even I noticed on ATFF and really pulled your readers into this fic really well. That's a talent that is very lacking these days.
I love the dynamic you have between Jack and Alex that sort of forces your plot along. Like, in some of these horror-type fics there's no real reason for the "Jack" let's say of your story to put himself through all of this misery. However, with the soul mate, deeply in love factor you have going on here, it actually adds up and I don't find myself groaning because the main character is so stupid.
That being said, there's one thing that I think your writing would benefit from! I've never heard of Mad Father, but is the main character as fearless as Jack? Some of his reactions are a bit unrealistic in the way that, if something grabbed my ankle for example, I'd probably scream and/or cry instead of just kicking it away. Like I said, I have no idea how Mad Father goes and maybe I'm totally off here because you have a plan, but yeah that's it :)
@ Taani It's based off a video game. Im sure if you looked it up you could see how everything is suppose to play out, the game moves quickly and has many encounters so
this isn't even my account i was allowed to use it to read stories (cos mibba hates me and wont resend me my password) so i dont comment on them but i had to comment on this and tell you PLEASE complete this it's beautiful already oh my fucking god i love it so much and i had to look up the game because i didn't know what it was but ohh myyyy goddd just yes okay all of the yes. this is great. - jalexaremyhomeboys on tumblr/atlaregay on livejournal (i feel like i should tell you who i am because again, this isn't my mibba account, okay sorry bye ily)
oh hot damn ya know i literally considered everything that could have happened except zombies and i dont know why supa stoked for the next chapter yo this is super good okay your writing is fab just like you
I'm really scared like Uhm???? I don't usually read this kind of things but your writing is just so beautiful and I just ok'd I'm really interested in this one particular fic You have talent love <3
oh wow okay i usually dont read stories like this but this is supER interesting and yes YOU SHOULD UPDATE BECAUSE I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TLO ALEX OKAY THANK YOU
listEN UP MOTHERFUCKER pls update i need to know is alex okay now what happens does he turn into a chimaera i bet he does doesn't he or maybe a kinda frankenstein like alice cooper does