Chaotic Demons - Comments

The layout kind of hurts my eyes to read a bit. White font over black background isn't friendly on the eyes. However, that's just a matter of preference and doesn't really deter me from reading the story itself. I can always click on the default layout.

Chapter 1
I don't know if it's just me with my tired brain since it's 3 am. But I feel like the first chapter just kind of drags on. Sure, it shows Beast's character and the description is good but there are some parts that just feel bland to me. I'm sorry for being blunt. I see that you're trying to get the readers into Beast's head but it just stretches on.

However, I am intrigued by Harper's character. She is so overprotective over Aden and I wonder what brings her to the town.

Chapter 2
Ah! Okay, reading the start of chapter 2, I now understand why Harper is being overprotective over Aden. And it's understandable too.

I love how you portray Aden. He seems like a really sweet kid. I love him already.

Nick seems like a genuinely nice guy, a caring father and a polite neighbor. I wonder where you two are taking this fic.

I can't really detect any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes so that's a plus. And I like the flow between the chapters and how the characters interact with each other.

This story has a lot of potential. Keep up the good work.

Straight away from the first chapter it comes across clearly that Harper really loves that boy, with how protective she got when she overreacted. I mean, I understand him being a stranger and all, but he helped the kid up so she could have been a bit more grateful that he didn't shout at the boy for landing on his lawn.

I noticed in chapter four that it starts with Aden getting a fever and Harper deciding for him not to go into school, and then further down the chapter it mentions that it's "sunday already" which contradicts the previous statement.

Nick seems like a decent guy, someone who would be a good friend for Harper. Especially how he's helped her get a job, something which she seemed to desperately need. And I'm so glad that she got official guardianship of Aden. It's always a shame when the mother or father of a child isn't the best person for them to be with, but sometimes that happens and when people like Harper step up to the plate, it makes it a lot less life-changing and horrid for the child involved.

I do wonder how Ace will fit into Harper and Aden's life, as well as the gang as I assume that would probably happen if she associates with him. But nonetheless, I hope Nick stays nice with her and that they keep a good friendship as he was the first person she found a friend in at the new place, plus he got her a job interview which must count for something no matter what might possibly happen in the future.

My dad rides motorcycles (although he is not in a biker gang.... at least I don't think) so I absolutely had to read this. I am absolutely in love with Harper... She is just so sweet and caring and such a good person. She would do absolutely anything for Aiden and would do anything to keep him safe, and that is such an admirable trait. It's hard to take care of someone else's kid like they're you're own, but Harper does an amazing job taking care of Aiden. I just wonder how Ace and his gang are going to fit into all of this and whether or not they'll be good or bad for Harper! This story is really great and I will definitely be reading more!

Please update this soon!!!!

Haha my life consists if waiting for this story to updatexD it's awesome

This is good. c:

Harper seems lke a good girl and very protective of her loved ones. I wonder if she'll be able to keep Aden without any problems.

Beast seems like he's all for the club/gang. I don't really like his on-off girlfriend though.

Keep up the hard work guys. c:

@ piercethecharlie
I'm glad you do. I try to make it to him somewhat believable. Every bad ass has a soft side; they just just choose not to show. Or that's my belief.

And thank you. I'm glad you like it.

I really like the concept of this already. I like these sort of stories though, the gang type. I like a sense of danger when it comes to reading and with this I certainly get a sense of danger. The first chapter was well written, plenty of detail about Beast. You painted him as a bad ass with a sweet side which is great because it shows he does have a soft side.

Overall I like this and I shall be sticking around to follow this story. Fantastic job.