Your Time Is Over - Comments

Again, I don't mesh well with the narrative. It's extremely easy to be unclear and to throw people off when constantly saying "you" and tossing "I" in there every once in a while. I don't personally think it was the correct perspective for this story, as the character seemed to have an identity, but the reader (or I suppose, the character) did not know. Right from the beginning, this turned me off a little bit. This is only a matter of opinion, though.

However, like the other piece I read, the plot and such was strong enough that it didn't matter. I filled in the blanks with imagined facts and that worked just fine. The writing style was strong and compelling and I enjoyed reading it. I, as the reader, began to feel personally guilty, despite that I'd not done anything. That's definitely a good thing! You worded yourself in such a way that got me sucked in and intrigued, almost as if I was being scolded about something I didn't know I'd done...which I guess that's exactly what it was! Ahaha.

Back to what I said before...This is all very good, but my advice for you is to consider using another narrative stance. It will clear up and shape your pieces even more so than they already are. Or, in this story like this's case, consider not identifying the characters. Mystery is always effective in writing! xx poison

This is so compelling.. Honestly, I loved every word of it. It reminded me of many artist's songs, e.g. Fall Out Boy, Eminem, Maroon 5 and they all painted a picture in my head.
However, I was a little confused at some parts and I think I still am as to who the you is. Not sure if it's because I'm tired, or if it's because there's missing information... With that being said, I loved it!
Nicely written! xD