Give Her One Hundred Percent and She Will Give You a Thousand - Comments

  • swell

    swell (150)

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    Hi there, I'm here to judge for the hockey contest!

    In all honesty, I found your entry to be on the drier side. I felt like I've read many other stories where there's a fighting couple who accuses one of their job being more important than them, only for the one with the job to resolve the situation by giving them what they want and ending in sex and...yeah. This entry wasn't different from the others that I've read, so that was a little disappointing. I also found Lucy's character kind of grating, as I mean, you're marrying a sports star so of course their job is going to be important to them?? What do you expect?? I will definitely give you props for making me annoyed at a character, which I wouldn't have been able to do if I wasn't at least somewhat invested into the story.

    As for what I did like, I liked the flow and how easy it was to read, it kept my interest despite grammatical errors and whatnot. Overall, I liked this. Thanks for entering!
    July 12th, 2017 at 09:33am
  • XSoulXLoverX

    XSoulXLoverX (350)

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    I want to thank you for entering my contest and being the first person to submit their entry.

    I wanted to start off by saying that I thought the layout was nice, and I really thought the summary was perfect. I think that you had shining moments in the story, and you also had places that required improvement. I thought that your title was nice and I enjoyed that it was a pretty long one shot. I thought that by having it be long, it gave you room to add detail and that was really nice. I thought you had a really nice story line, and I thought that conceptually you did a nice job with the story line.

    I think in terms of grammar you need to do a little more editing. There were quite a few grammatical errors that I noticed and it did take away from the overall readability of the story. I noticed a lot of misuse of the comma, as well as not enough usage of the come. You used "it's" when it should have been "its," you used "here" when it should have been "hear." You also started a sentence with but so that poses a problem as well. Also, in terms of the emotional merit, I wish that I had felt a little more invested in the overall emotional component in the story.

    On the topic of emotion, I did really like the connection that you made Sidney and Lucy have with one another. I thought it was really believable and I thought that it was a really important connection. I also really liked that you included a sec scene, and you wrote the scene out really, really well, so I enjoyed that. I liked how you ended the story on a positive note because I think it really needed that.

    I was pleased with your entry :)
    November 9th, 2013 at 10:10pm
  • bxgurl95

    bxgurl95 (100)

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    This was absolutely captivating. You're back to your old self !
    November 9th, 2013 at 09:35pm