I'm Coming Home - Comments

@ Zatanna Zatara;
Awww thank you very much! I definitely worked hard on it!! Appreicate your feedback and I'll take another look through the story and remove those errors!

Wow! This was written beautifully. It is delicate and full of innocence. I love the little girl's awareness, that her father is finally coming home. It was very cute, sweet and realistic to read. This a piece, that I am sure a lot of people, who have parents in the forces, will comprehend in an emotional way. The layout is beautiful and goes perfectly well with the story.

There were a few punctuation marks missing, and some grammatical errors, that can e easily fix with another proof-reading glance.

In general, this was a good read.

@ The Alpha's Angel
Thanks so much!

@ The Alpha's Angel
Thanks so much!

Soldier home coming stories are a weakness for me... I love them and this one is perfect. Everything is really sweet and being told from a child it's extremely touching :)

@ ZackyEffingVengeance

@ diana parr

Thank you so much!

i'm sorry it took me awhile!

but heyy i really love this! i have never read a story in a little girl's point of view before, but i'd say that you did a darn good job! i can sense her giddiness and excitement, yet also her naive nervousness for meeting her dad after so long. this little drabble is the cutest thing ever!

i feel like this is such a simple topic and situation to cover, yet somehow it could still make me feel happy. the joy at the end is v contagious!

really nice job dear!

Aww this is so cute :) good job!

@ And I'm On Fire.

@ charity_hope

Thanks so much for your comments. They really mean a lot to me!

I love reading father-daughter story. Probably because my own relationship with my father is so close so I can relate.

I adore this so much. And you'd done a great job with this story.

This was so heartwarming and lovely!

@ rainbebez.tears.
Thanks again for your comment. I fixed the mistake, thanks for pointing that out.

This is really my first time reading about a solider coming home. I think it is rather touching that it features a young girl---I don't know, but the honest and innocent way of the child was very well portrayed in this piece.

The layout, again, I love because it is simple and easy to read.

Very minor spelling/grammar error. I only caught this one
“Will he recognize us?” I ask, suddenly worried. What if he’d been gone to long? Mama laughs.
~It should be gone too long.

I think this was very nice, short and sweet. I would want a bit more detailing, but I wonder if this was simplified because this was told through the eyes of a very young girl?

Overall this was a good piece. Good job!

A little girl waiting at the airport for someone special to arrive....

There should be an 'is' between 'girl' and 'waiting.'

Today was the day, the day I had been waiting for for months.
This should be separated into two separate sentences or combined into one. Technically, there are two independent clauses right there.

“I love you baby girl.” He says as he starts to pick me up.
You already stated that he picked her up before he said this line.

The use of present tense in this story is okay but I'm not too sure on some sentences. On the other hand, I found no description or details that may have expounded the actions more. The details in some of the sentences are more of "telling" instead of "showing." If you observe some good books like 1984, you can see that the details are overflowing. You can almost paint a picture with those details alone.

Overall, it has a good concept but it still lacks description and editing.

@ lola montez.
Thank you so much!

Awwh. This made me tear up. I've never actually seen this happen in real life before, but this was so sweet. I enjoyed it. You did a wonderful job with this.

@ nodoluv
Thanks!

How sweet! I really love this. You have a very nice writing style. This story was short, easy to follow, but also interesting. I really enjoyed it. Good job!

@ naruto uzumaki
Thanks so much!

This is a nice change. Normally I read about teens in a summer romance or a forbidden love, so I liked having a story about something so real and tangible.

I've witnessed these kinds of moments and they are absolutely precious and bring tears. I think you captured the little girl's eagerness and purity very well.

Great job!