July 12th, 2017 at 09:13am
I want to thank you for entering my contest!
So, overall I think you chose a really nice story line and it had a great amount of potential. I thought that you captured a nice sense of emotion throughout the story, and I liked that. I liked how you used the different periods of time, because it gave you the chance to cover a lot of ground and it gave you the chance to really work out the story. I think you did a nice job describing Katherine as well, and that was a nice touch for sure. I think your title was perfect though, I really think your title was great. Katherine was the driving force of the story, and you did that really well.
I think you should have played around a little bit more with sentence structure. I think had you done that you would have had a much stronger story. I also think that you needed to work on the cohesiveness of the story as a whole. There were parts that flowed nicely, but I felt that there were many disjointed parts, and a few too many jumps between the sentences, and I found myself feeling a little lost.
Overall, nice job!
First things first, I have to comment on how difficult it is to read white text on a black background - it's so jarring and painful for the eyes, as well as the big blocks of text. Those two elements alone did not make me look forward to reading your entry.
I felt like the story jumped a lot in terms of the way it was written. Some parts I felt didn't entirely make sense, and the writing felt a bit...disjointed? And awkward to read in some parts, honestly.
With that being said, I enjoyed the plot itself and the way you've written this story, in terms of your writing style. I didn't feel like I had to stop and honestly wanted to keep reading, waiting to find out if Katherine would ever come back again. The ending was good, but I wish we had seen a scene with Katherine and Jon. Perhaps an explanation to why she freaked out when he kissed her?
All in all, I did enjoy reading this. Thanks for entering!