When the World Was Ours - Comments

This is definitely an emotional story. It's an odd sort of happy ending, something that's happy for Lennon and Hayley because they're alone, but an ending that makes us want to cry because it had to end that way. It really hit me, the last line, "Let's go, Hayely. Let's go home."

Just...wow. Awesome story.

Hi there, the new judge for the Brave New World contest. Apologises for taking a bit long.

The first chapter really sets the scene. How Hayley spent the night before, the defining noises of what she should have been hearing but wasn't, and terrible news that everyone is gone. Is it truly everyone and only they are there? Or is it just everyone that should have been around?

I'm so glad that you made Hayley and Jonah not into the "courageous" stereotypes that exist in life after the Apocalypse situations, where they're brave and daring and will venture anywhere and everyone. I like that they remained in their home, the only place that they really know that they were safe.

"We waited for someone to come and find us." - this is actually pretty heartbreaking, the fact that they kept the naivety of someone coming to get them, like everyone would want to believe. Of course they don't want to believe that they are truly alone; someone will have to appear in the end, eventually.

Chapter three is really full of hope, I like it. The fact that this Lennon guy is genuine, that he was almost lost of hope until he found them, the fact that they're going to be together, keeping each other sane.

WHAT? NO NO NO PLEASE TELL ME JONAH DIDN'T DO THAT. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT????

The final chapters are just so emotional. You can feel the desperation of them both and the ending was something I suspected, as they're the only two (that they know of) left in the world. How tired and depressing and just plain hopeless they must have felt.

The main question on my mind is what happened to everyone else? Did they really all disappear, or is it them three that disappeared and are on a different plane?

“Let’s go, Hayley. Let’s go home.” and "said our goodbyes to the world that we owned but never wanted" really struck me and honestly made the perfect conclusion to this story. I absolutely love this. Thank you for writing this.

Oh wow. This definitely caught me by surprise. I normally don't enjoy stories about the world ending, but I found I liked this a whole bunch.

Honestly, it was way better than anything I could have possibly imagined and I adore every word I read. c: I like how the summary was truly simple and how there's a tiny bit of humor underneath the seriousness. Imagining someone sleeping through the apocolypse? I find that terribly funny for some reason. I think it's because everyone puts so much emphasis on the end of the world that to see someone be light about it is refreshing. It was just enough to make me smile, yet so much as to not undo the serious feeling I feel you were trying to capture. (the layout really helped with that as well). c:

The way you write is really captivating, too. Everything flows and not one sentence made me stop and think to myself, "wait, what?" Also, not only did you manage to put in a great bit of detail so snuggly, but you caught quite a bit of feeling in this, too. Like the ending of this chapter slammed me in the heart.

I'm glad you wrote this. c: It's very good so far. I have only read the first chapter, but I definitely want to read more!

wow wow wowowow
i
love this
so
much

i am a huuuge fan of stories really capturing emotion and this piece did that so well. i actually really liked how you broke it down into chapters. it added breaks in the story that wouldn't have worked well in just one whole piece, in my opinion. the first chapter didn't go off on a ramble and got right to the juice of the story, which i really think worked well because of how simple and blunt Hayley seems to think.

the second chapter was full of delicious emotion ugh i loved it. one part really stood out to me: "We found God while we waited. We lost God again after no one came." just wow, so simple but so powerful and descriptive. after that, those next two sentences ("No one ever came. Until someone did.") were clunky and kinda threw the story off a bit. i think the second sentence wasn't worded right so it sounds strange? when Hayley saw Lennon for the first time, i like how they both seemed just as surprised sooo good and realistic.

i liked how the next few chapters sorta fleshed out the relationship (and themselves as individuals as well), but with such simplicity and rawness that it was easy to understand when the story was so short. i was surprised when Jonah died, i understood what happened perfectly but it was a real shock, and you could tell how it affected the two.

the ending, just wow.
the ending fave me goosebumps

"and had said our goodbyes to the world that we owned but never wanted"

that line made me shiver, wow wow wow. i could probably go on forever but this comment is long enough hahaha oops. sorry for that and how redundant it is and yeah...

this was an amazing story that really got me involved and feeling! i wish it was longer just because i love it so much, but it is pretty perfect how it is now too. ♥

That's amazing! You captured the emotions and how Hayley felt really well. I didn't like how it was broken in to seven chapters though. It was a very short story so I think it would be better as a one shot. Though, I would really love it if you developed this story even further so we could read more about Hayley and Lennon. They were adorable together! I'm kind of confused about Jonah though. Where did he go? Did he die?

Overall, I think it was good story but it seemed kind of rushed because of how short it was. I'd much prefer it to be a chaptered full length story so I could read more and learn more about Hayley and Lennon and how their relationship developed.

Also, I'd suggest reading back over it because there was a few times when I noticed things like missing commas and in one of the chapters 'Disney world' is mentioned but the W on 'world' should be a capital.

I would like to start with how much I love the title. Very unique and definitely goes with the story. The layout was simple but beautiful.

Even though this was only 7 chapters, it felt like a lot longer. Each chapter held emotional values and I felt sad but happy at the same time. (If that makes sense ) I didn't exactly get how Hayley's younger brother died, but I was sad that he did. He was the last thing Hayley had left from her family.

But what did happen to everyone? I thought it would be revealed in later chapters, but it never was. It was like a curse and come, taking everyone, leaving you to wonder if they are ever coming back.

In chapter 3 near the bottom of the page I noticed this: I didn’t want to forget their faces. I could afford to. Shouldn't it be couldn't instead of could?

The ending was beautiful and sweet, especially the last line. It tied the whole story up into a cute package with a red ribbon.

Overall amazing story and I enjoyed reading it.

I feel like this the simplest story I've ever read. But it makes me so sad. The narrator thinks so straight, so commonly. There aren't any ridiculously long descriptions of things, and yet the entire story is so emotional. It broke my heart it. It actually.

I love this short story from its layout to the very last chapter“Let’s go, Hayley. Let’s go home.” It was so simple, kind of over done and totally. Perfect. I'd love it if you made this into a longer story. Expanded on it somehow, and went somewhere with it.

I know this is kind of a worthless comment, but I can't really pinpoint my favourite moment exactly. I think it might have been when Jonah died and what Lennon said, but it might be when he said he couldn't have disappeared because there was no one to miss him. It was all too perfect. Congratulations.

Absolutely beautiful ending. I feel a real sense of closure despite it being (slightly) open-ended. Well done.

@ Fandango
Thank you dear

Omg this is just my favourite thing in the world. My heart is just... aching.