Lace Princess - Comments

  • Lady of Bats

    Lady of Bats (100)

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    The first chapter is very cute, and you certainly have a knack for nice descriptions. The sentences flowed very well and it was so easy to just keep reading. The hints at the plot and subtle foreshadowing with the locket and such is a nice touch. The characters are very likable so far, which is definitely a bonus. Smile Even the title is very nice; it definitely drew me in. The story is heading in a nice direction and looks to be a very nice read.

    The layout is also lovely. It's elegant and matches what the story is about.

    I don't often read royalty stories; I usually find them boring or unoriginal, but this one has my attention. It's a very well-written and entertaining read. Smile
    March 9th, 2015 at 02:54am
  • WhereMyDemonsHide

    WhereMyDemonsHide (100)

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    I will admit, even now, I still have a soft spot for fairy tales and princesses. Very Happy Also, the title drew me in. I like it :)

    I love the layout, it's simple, elegant and it definitely holds what the story is about.
    I like how you kicked off the first chapters, adding some mystery by including her grandmother's locket and the undesirable Prince Henry. I'm terrible at writing summaries, but I like how you wrote yours. It hints at a plot in the works. I think your characters are very unique, maybe a little more character development will occur in future chapters? Or maybe background information on them. I am a sap for royalty stories, so I absolutely love where this one is going and I'm excited to read more. I can't think of any other advice to give, you've got it all down pretty good. Great job! I look forward to the next update
    March 3rd, 2015 at 11:55pm
  • Divine  Faery

    Divine Faery (100)

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    Well first the summary is short and simple which isn't a problem trust me I'm not all.that great with summaries so I won't over judge yours it left it a little interested in what was going on but not much it's nothing against your writing it just didn't seem like something I would personally read.

    However that changed after I read the first chapter it was simple and quite honestly it didn't seem like much was going on other than party planning and lighthearted fun like with the dancing, but I am interested in knowing what's inside of her grandmother's locket, a good mystery never hurts a story and and a sealed object that can't be opened usually has something juicy I'm it.

    So far I haven't heard any direct mention of the cousin mentioned in the summary which isn't a problem I'm sure the cousin will make an appearance soon but as I looked on the character page I have to say I did not think that Aurelia was 19 years old I quite honestly thought she was like around 8 years old and I thought that maybe there would be a time-skip or something but from what I've read I'm guessing she's already 19.

    All around though I do think it's a good story just not the type I'd normally read though I may keep reading to see what is in that locket and I personally found no mistakes in your writing, it's not to say they're aren't but unless they are like obvious mistakes I probably wouldn't catch them so good job.
    March 2nd, 2015 at 03:11am
  • nearly witches.

    nearly witches. (15230)

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    [ summary / layout ]

    The entire layout just seems to fit the title and the general idea I get from the summary, which is awesome. Everything is really well put-together and simple, nothing detracts from the reading itself. Your summary really does hook the reader in - you give enough information and then you add in little seeds that instantly get the reader interested - so I'm quite interested to see where things go with both princesses and how they intend to spice up their lives.

    [ a dancing princess ]

    I like stories that start off with dialogue, so I really like that you push the reader right into the middle of the scene with some dialogue. The description of the dancing is really pretty, but you get this slightly clumsy edge to the image that I think is typical of kids and adolescents. I know I definitely can't dance well so the stumbling and everything like that pulled me right in.

    Your description throughout is really beautiful, actually. I love how you describe the transformation of the ballroom from ordinary and mundane to a room fit for a princess. I also like that even though you describe certain things in great detail, you're feeding the characters to the audience in dribs-and-drabs. It works really well and makes me want to read on.

    Was there a secret that was held within the locket? I did not know - I adore these two lines. So simple, but it makes me wonder if that'll be an integral part to the plot. To include some subtle foreshadowing and / or red herring in the first chapter usually doesn't work for me but it's been written in so effortlessly that I don't really mind. It works, and I really want to know what's going to happen next with the necklace.

    [ a princess who ran ]

    I love how effortlessly the two writing styles merge from chapter to chapter. It seems like such a silly and trivial thing to mention, but the similarity in the last line of the previous chapter and the first line of this chapter links everything together so well and as a reader, it's almost like a soft transition from one writer to the other. The actual styles themselves work well, there is very little difference between the two and it reads like one author. In co-writes, I think that's definitely important.

    I'm instantly intrigued with the amount of mystery that's been added into this chapter. There are all these tiny little hooks that kept me reading - why did Estelle not ask her parents' permission or even tell them where she was going? How does she know that Aurelia is set to wed before Aurelia herself knows? Who is this guy and why does he induce lumps in the throat? It's all very mysterious and cliff-hangerish and I'm definitely interested in reading on to have my questions answered.

    [ a silly rumor]

    I love how reasonable and realistic Aurelia's thought train is when she finds out about Henry. It's typical of someone to think those things, regardless of how well-adjusted to royal life they are and I think it'll definitely be interesting to move on and see how she processes that and how it influences her decisions.

    Again, Henry is mentioned and he doesn't seem nice at all. All the talk of magic and dark secrets makes me incredibly wary and even though I haven't yet met him, I'm already beginning to feel incredibly hostile towards him. Honestly, I'd like to see the reasoning behind the marriage - as the end of the chapter states, there must be a reason - because I think they either don't realise how cruel he seems or they desperately need something and that'd definitely be something that'd interest me to find out.

    [ a beast at a feast ]

    Getting Henry vibes off of that title most definitely.

    I love the attention to detail in this chapter. The dress, the ballroom, everything. It all just seems so wonderful and I can picture it so vividly in my head. The little interactions you show between the cousins really does show their closeness and relationship and as someone who values family, I find that really heartwarming to read.

    Ah, Henry. He's so dark and mysterious and he makes me entirely uneasy. His actions right form the start just don't wash with me and I can see him being formidable force in the future.

    I'm both heartened and nervous that they'll be leaving. I'm excited because hopefully they can disappear enough that Henry won't find them but I know fiction. Something horrible is going to happen and I'm not too sure whether I'm ready for that. I've grown quite attached to both princesses over the course of the four chapters and I'd hate to see Henry do something that would jeopardise their mission to run away.

    [ overall ]

    I love the storyline. I haven't read many arranged marriage stories where the planned bride is repulsed so much that she feels running away is the best answer and I get the idea from the chapters that she won't try and go back and realise she's fallen in love with him. The addition of that dark magic is so intriguing and I'm looking forward to seeing where you both take that in the future.

    In terms of writing, everything is pretty sound. The two writing styles differ enough that you can tell that two different people are writing the chapters, but everything gels together so smoothly that it doesn't make a difference to the overall flow of the story. I like that you both have your own little unique things throughout and I like the differences between the characters. As of yet, the characters are still building up and I wouldn't want to make snap judgements on them as characters, but everything seems to be building up well. I can see traits - both good and bad - coming out and they both definitely look as if they're shaping up to be good characters.

    I'm definitely interested by this. I'll be keeping an eye on this to make sure that I can get all of my questions answered. Keep up the good work!
    April 24th, 2014 at 11:01pm
  • Jordypye

    Jordypye (1400)

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    Oh my. I've never read a story about Princesses before tehe I really enjoyed this, it was charming and not what I was expecting! Can I just say that I adore this layout as well! It's so pretty and well done!

    The first chapter is absolutely adorable and I think that having that cute scene to start off with was a great idea because it fills the reader up with warm fuzzy feelings and makes us want to read more.

    In the second chapter I liked the interaction between the cousins and seeing how close they are too each other. The characters are done really well as well and I like how realistic they are.

    Prince Henry sounds like a complete creep though I do like how he's described as well. I like how all of your characters are described because I can imagine them clearly in my head. Gah I can't wait to read what happens next. Sorry for taking so long to reply!
    March 19th, 2014 at 05:05am
  • Mr. Darcy

    Mr. Darcy (16090)

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    First off can I just say that I absolutely love reading about princesses and royalty. tehe It's a topic I've loved for a while and have recently gotten into writing about it myself because of how much my love has grown. So this is something I know I'm going to enjoy straight away.

    Summary

    "Has reached their's" - it should be theirs because I'm pretty sure their's doesn't exist in the English language.

    And this is just personal opinion but in this line - "They must attend boring business gatherings or balls." - I think the "or" should be replaced with "and" to flow better. It also makes more sense to me for it to be an "and" to show that they do both rather than the "or" to show that they just do one.

    Another personal preference but this sentence - " to be able to one day rule as a proper queen." - would read better like this - "to be one day able to rule as a proper queen." - just because it sounds sort of awkward (?) to read as it is. I don't think awkward is the word I was looking for though.

    Final bit of the summary - "are not always so simple nor can they be easily resolved" - The "so" doesn't seem to serve any purpose in that line and without it reads much simpler. But again, personal preference. Ignore me if you wish. Mr. Green

    Chapter One

    " I fumbled forward" - do you mean stumbled?

    "the hand in attempts to help me" - I don't think the 's' at the end needs to be there and maybe put "an" between "in" and "attempt" so that it reads better?

    "King and Queen – mother and father" - maybe include a "my" before "mother" like you have on the following sentence before "sister and I"?

    "Servants rushed past her" - I'm assuming you mean Aurelia and as the chapter's in first person, shouldn't it be "I" instead?

    "The man, she had been told, had been working with her father’s family ever since her father was a young man, and had followed him when he became the king." - same again here. I'm assuming the mention of "her" and "she" is referring to Aurelia so therefore it should be in first person as well, being "I" and "my" instead.

    "but her grandmother had loved it more than anything in the world." - again, from reading the paragraph, I assume the "her" should be "I" as it's referring to Aurelia's grandmother?

    Other bits I picked up from the chapter were unnecessary commas. For example - "My sister hopped up from her seat, and ran into my father’s open arms. " - the comma shouldn't be between "seat" and "and" because there doesn't need to be a pause there in the sentence and it disrupts the flow as well. There hadn't been too many that I noticed but two or three others were there that I saw.

    Chapter Two

    The only thing I really noticed was - "you aren't ill cousin?" She asked" - where the speech tag shouldn't be capitalised.

    Overall

    I think you both write beautifully and I was drawn into the story from the summary alone. I love seeing the lives of princesses portrayed in writing and I think the love for dance that Aurelia has is something that seems extremely princess-like and therefore fitting for her. It also tells me a lot about her personality as well which contrasts with Estelle who doesn't seem to have hobbies like Aurelia has that define her as a princess. I feel like I just rambled and that didn't make sense so I apologise if it doesn't but it's currently two am as I write this. XD

    The cliffhanger at the end of chapter two raises so many questions for me. Who is Prince Henry? What is so bad about him? Why does Estelle feel like she needs to save Aurelia from marrying him? Why exactly did Estelle ask Aurelia to please remain calm before she told her?

    All these questions and no answers!! mrgun

    Even though there's only been two chapters as of yet, I am intrigued and thoroughly in love with how this feels so far, and will be reading on to find the answer to my questions as well as to witness their journey. I would comment on the characters but I feel that two chapters isn't quite sufficient enough development for me to fully grasp them yet.
    December 29th, 2013 at 03:09am
  • Formaldehyde.

    Formaldehyde. (150)

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    *Comment swap thread*

    First off, your summary instantly grabbed me and begged me to read on. I personally suck at summaries but yours is wonderful. It holds the right amount of intrigue and mystery!

    As for the chapter, I wasn't disappointed. Your writing style is so beautiful and it flows with such ease that the reader can't help but be taken by it. It's almost poetic, in a sense. Your descriptions are great and really let the reader be consumed.

    And the cliffhanger at the end added to the fairytale-like nature of the plot. It's refreshing to see such an idea

    I didn't spot any mistakes or errors, only potential to be a fantastic story. All in all, you have a very promising story.
    December 13th, 2013 at 01:41am
  • JeremyTheThirteenth

    JeremyTheThirteenth (105)

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    This is the first time I've actually seen an original princess fic on here. Very well written, as if the story is timeless. So far it's like the story could be set in modern times or midieval times. And the cliffhanger at the end is good too :)
    December 12th, 2013 at 08:19am