Snow Fall - Comments

Hey, here from the Magazine's contest!

First off I have to comment on the spacing in chapters. It's very hard to read a wall of text and even though you have paragraphs, there should be a space between each of them so that it's easier to read. That was the only thing that put me off this entry because the layout is readable so there's no complaints about that.

Her mentioning that she was an outcast spikes my interest because what is it that makes her the outcast? The fact that she didn't want to attend the school or something entirely different? It doesn't seem to be answered yet. The girl that she sits next to also is curious to me because not only does she seem to have never seen her before but the girl also doesn't talk to her or even acknowledge her which is strange considering it seems like everyone doesn't like her - so why is this one girl not even expressing her dislike?

I'm only reading the first chapter as that's what was submitted for the contest but I'm sure the second chapter is just as good as the first! This was nice to read regardless of the formatting.

Great job on this so far! The summary immediately pulled me in and made me wonder about who this girl was. Then you set the mood very nicely in the beginning. I can just imagine and really connect with everything. I can imagine the bustling area that she's in and the amount of dread that she's feeling. I love how you go more into detail about her, like you talk about the differences in what they wear, how they act, and what they think, and then how you talk about how out of place she feels. It really allows you to connect with the character! I'm very curious as to who the girl she sat beside is. You wrote about how everyone was kinda out to get her because she's like the pariah of the school, but yet the girl next to her on the bus didn't make a fuss or anything and that really struck me as curious. I love how she sent the teacher a sarcastic smile, and ending it the way you did leaves the reader wanting more! I think you did a fantastic job with this and that this story has a great amount of potential! Keep up the amazing work!

Girl it is fantastic! I love this! It's so different for you and it's great.