Tempus - Comments

I love dystopian type stories, and I've read them with plots similar to this, but you've managed to take this and make it original. You've developed your world well, and when reading it I wanted to know more about it. I don't think it's moving very slow, but I did read all six chapters at once. I think that it's nicely paced so far.
There are a few grammar mistakes and some awkward wordings that can be fixed with an editor or a few proofreads, but nothing too major.
Over all, good job.

Wow this was pretty neat to read. I've always been into the future type stories; and this one is by far the best. The layout is very neat, it fits this story rather well. I must say, this story is brilliant. It's cool that her and Oliver are Hunters together:) I thought Oliver was for sure going to be doing something else haha surprise!:D Anyway, update soon! I'm recommending this story as well as subscribing!

@ CanaryLion You just need to go to the actual chapter editing page and add an extra space between the paragraphs :) Like, click enter twice instead of once.

@ ebonyhailey
Hey, thanks for the comment. Everyone keeps telling me about paragraph spacing and I play with the layout and then I mess it all up, what do I do?!

@ ebonyhailey
Hey, thanks for the comment. Everyone keeps telling me about paragraph spacing and I play with the layout and then I mess it all up, what do I do?!

I love this, I love your layout, the title, the description and your writing. My only thing that I'm going to pick at is that you're paragraphs aren't formed properly, if you space them correctly you'll find it easier to read. I don't know how I'm going to make this span 200 characters really. I think your concept of life chips is actually pretty good and the dystopic society. I'm actually really interested in the story, and I'm so happy that comment swap brought me here! xx

Comment swap-

I knew I was in for a good story once I saw your interesting layout and I was right. This is an extremely creative idea! it reminds me a bit of the book divergent. It flowed really well and I loved all the tiny details. Your prologue really hooked me into the story and you kept your chapters short but good. You have a lot of potential here and I could definitely see this becoming a real novel! I think if you published it, it would get far. Recommended and subscribed, keep writing!

Comment Swap

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t completely sure I would like this story when I first looked at it, and while I know it won’t be one of my favorite stories it was still worth the read. I like the simplicity of the layout the split butterfly is absolutely beautiful. The prologue was very interesting, but I think my favorite part was in chapter 3 and Sally wanted to know more about what happen between Meredith and Oliver. The way she spoke was very comical and made me smile.

Hello I'm from comment swap and I can say I'm pleased that comment swap brought me to this story I quite liked it. I think it came off to a good and gripping start that will encourage readers to want to read on. I must also applaud your use of creativity as the story and its idea was undoubtedly something original and it has interested me. I also like the way you've set up the characters, you've already given a good insight as to what the characters are like and I'm sure many of the readers have probably taken a liking to some of the characters and the way you've set them up. You've also set about a good suspense within the story that made it more intriguing to read and once again I must give credit to the unique concept of the actual story. Also you didn't waffle on about nonsense that would cause the reader to lose interest, you were straight to the point which was good. And last but not least I'd like to say the prologue was great and definately left the impression that the story may turn out to be a good one. Overall I'd say your story so far seems good and shows a lot of promise, it could turn out to be quite a pleasant read xD

This is great. You are great. Everything is just great. This is seriously one of your best stories <3

I agree with Roland of Gilead, it would be nice to have spacing between each paragraph since it makes it that much easier to read. It isn't too much of a worry but it is something to think about. ^-^

Your writing style is amazing, I love it and I can't wait to read more, so don't worry, I'm definitely subscribing. You'll hear more from mee!! :D

From comment swap

It was a very good decision to jump straight into the story, it immediately draws the reader in and pretty much thrust your story down their throat, in the nicest way possible of course.

One thing i would suggest you do is to put a blank line between every paragraph. It can be a little difficult to read on a screen when it's all bunched up together, though this is just a cosmetic issue and nothing more.

I have read the first two chapters so far and i am loving it very much. You have a way with words that creates wonderfully beautiful imagery and intense emotion.

You have a great gift for creating empathy with just a few words.

Good luck with this.

From comment swap

I found this amazing, your prologue, is exactly how a prologue should be written. Not too much in the action, but enough to give the reader that sense of curiosity. Then when you started the chapter, it brings it all together with the right tense, the right phrases and words, it all sounded so beautiful. Your layout, simple, and very niceley done, and your title, creative. I have a thing for one worded titles. It's like your able to sum up an entire story with one word, I find it amazing. I wish there was more of it. Good work, loved it.

I love how you started right in the middle of the action, rather than spending time leading into it, I think the story line i really good as well, One thing I think the final chapter should be split because it is much longer than the other two, good luck with your writing :)