Woman - Comments

@ Michael Westen
Thank you! I appreciate your comment. I have changed the first chapter a bit. Interestingly the story is from a sole perspective, but you'll have to pay attention to that part. ;)

What would make you care about my characters?

I like how each chapter has a different person it focuses on, rather the type of person. First it's the main character, then it's the Godfather, and Husband, and so on. It's an interesting take I feel.

I do think that you lack a general description of setting, but you do keep things moving with the dialogue and emotion of it all.

I actually got a bit of a rustic feel to the story, which was cool, but I'm just not hooked. If you added something to make a reader actually care about the characters, to become invested, I think that would go a long way.

Overall though you're doing very good and I wish you luck with the rest of it!

@ catinabottle
Thank you! Haha you caught me, I went back and made her a little too much like the Frozen Elsa- a little unconsciously. I just changed her dress colour to "cool" that down ;)

I really appreciate all your feedback, I was hoping you can read a few more chapters (they are shorter you see!) because that's where my story starts moving...and a lot of creative twists begin :P

@ RiotGurl
Hey! Thank you for the suggestion, I am working on adding that in to the first chapter a little more.

I would really appreciate if I got your opinion on two more chapters after this where the story really comes alive. They are a lot shorter, and there is a lot more inner dialogue.

@ losing control.
Hi there, thanks for taking a look. I would appreciate if you checked out a few more chapters as that's where the story starts coming together! Thank you for the advice. I'm starting to work on the wordy dialogue. Do you think the first chapter is too long?

Summary and Hook: I think you have a pretty good summary. Your hook, on the other hand, could use some work. You need to start the story out with something that immediately grabs the reader's interest and makes them want to read more. Right now, the beginning only does a so-so job of that (in my opinion).

Plot: Simple, but I don't think it's overdone. It's also rich with possibility and I can see many creative twists could come out of it.

Characterization: I tend to look for this within the same chapter that a character is introduced. In the first chapter, physically I can see Joseph pretty well, although it might be helpful to add some detail about his eyes/hair. You only gave one physical detail about Milton, so I can't see him so well. Elsa is painted pretty clearly (and I almost wonder if this is supposed to be Elsa from the movie Frozen, they seem so alike). I don't know much about the narrator, but it's difficult to describe a character who is narrating.

Grammar/Spelling/Formatting: As a previous comment said, the font is small. I'm reading it from a laptop and I think the font could use to be 2 or 4 points bigger. The grammar is mostly good, although I see a few instances when you say "let's" rather than "lets."

Setting: I can't imagine the setting very well. You should describe the house or building the characters are in, giving a few details of their environment.

Emotion: This is one of your stronger skills. You do a great job describing and showing what the characters are feeling, which makes the story come a little more alive.

Good work! Keep writing!

Hi there! Just read the first chapter. A little confused who everyone is, but I'm sure that will change. My only suggestion is layout. Reading from a mobile phone, the words are incredibly small and the gray kind of blends in with the black.
I'm also a huge fan of a bit of inner monolog. Sometimes conversations can be made a little more excited with characters thought and feelings.

It's been forever since I've read an arranged marriage story! Throwing it back to the old days where that was literally all that I read.

I only read the first chapter, but I really like your descriptions. You kind of weave them throughout the dialogue which makes it really easy to read. Things were a little confusing just from the first chapter, but I'm sure everything gets cleared up once you read on more.

I would say watch out for wordy dialogue. It's good to have your characters interact a lot, but there was a couple times where there dialogue got wordy and it made things kind of confusing to read. It also makes it feel like the story is set in the past (which I'm not sure if it is or not) because of the way the characters were talking to each other.

I can't say much else because I haven't read far enough, but good luck with the rest of the story!

@ The Authoress
My dear I have posted since then! Check it out!

@ discoveringclouds
Where is the new chapter missy!

@ The Authoress
Sorry about that! I was trying to plan the next parts in my mind. Now that there's a new chapter, where are you missy? You off and get married and no more stories for me???

Why has it been a whole month since you wrote this! :( please add more, please!❤️

This is so beautiful sister! And the layout is so simple and cute as well. I'm definitely looking forward to reading this!

@ aquarian_lotus
Thank you! I really was wondering if my dialogue was any good! :D

Very interesting :) Only got to read up to chapter 3, but I'll continue reading when I have the time. Good job! I like how its simple. You're very good with dialogue also.

Very interesting :) Only got to read up to chapter 3, but I'll continue reading when I have the time. Good job! I like how its simple. You're very good with dialogue also.

Very interesting :) Only got to read up to chapter 3, but I'll continue reading when I have the time. Good job! I like how its simple. You're very good with dialogue also.

I really like your story so far! I can't wait to read about Alexander and Her. :) Update soon!

It's really good so far! I can't wait to read more!

@ Ayesha C

Assalamualaikum Ayesha!
It's so good to hear from you. I'm so happy that you like it, it's not quite finished though. I have one chapter in the works and a few more ideas I'm considering. :P