Fingertips - Comments

There is so much potential to mess up a story about abusive relationships, but this is absolutely beautiful. Heartbreaking, but beautiful.

With the short chapters and your skillful way of putting words together this almost reads like a long poem, and it has a lovely flow. I feel so much for this character, because you do such an amazing job of conveying all her feelings. Her fear of him, her love for him, her wanting not to love him but being unable to resist.

I especially like the line about her trying to go limp and drag like dead weight, but he still doesn't let go and leave her behind. There's something very real and raw to this story and I love it. Not that that's surprising, since I pretty much love everything you write.

Thanks for participating in my December Giveaway!

With the palette and the story itself, you managed to bring a whole new meaning to the phrase being together. I think you gave the reader a sense of awareness, in a way, towards the idea of love, commitment and toxin all in one.

I envy how smooth you make these small chapters sound with very little words. You have the idea of sending the readers much more than they bargained for with your fantastic descriptions and effortless writing.

The first chapter made me very curious because I don’t think I’ve read anything similar to this masterpiece. It’s fresh~ I could tell you wrote this near your heart. This is going to be hard to explain but by reading this, I knew you were writing the story through your heart opposed to something formed from your brain.

The second chapter gave me this wave of pure sorrow. I felt so bad for her. It's as simple as a couple hundred words, yet the emotion you've written could fill pages worth of words. I love your writing greatly.

But he never left. This is a killer line. I think this sentence summarizes the entire story almost too perfectly.

The last sentences of each chapter really sets the guy’s mood, and somehow makes the reader open more to him despite all the horrible things he's done. I love how you make it the last thing to read as well because it makes me weak. But he loved her. Really, he did. This one is my favorite!

I really hate how she falls back for him but I totally see why she does. You've written about both the bad and good he does to her. And she's experienced both yet she can't come to her senses. I really enjoyed how well you written these raw emotions.

The imagery in this is absolutely lovely. I love the description you use. I don't exactly feel like I'm there, but I feel an understanding for the main character and that's enough.

I hope the lead realizes they're in such an abusive relationship and tries to get out of it. Really, I can't wait to see how all of this unfolds.

I personally didn't see any spelling or grammar mistakes, which helped the story flow well and keep my attention which was something I really loved about it.

I'm definitely subscribing to see the outcome. Well done!

This is a really cool concept, but I feel like some edits could be made to make the writing stronger, to make the prose as beautiful as the idea. Like, there's a heavy use of adverbs and adjectives ending in L-Y, which really muffles up the writing and makes the flow of it struggle. Try replacing these with other words, better words.

For example:“Keep walking,” he whispered, his hand gripping her upper arm tightly.Might sound better like:“Keep walking,” he whispered, his hand gripping her upper arm so tight his fingernails dug into her skin.Or something like that; I'm not you, so I can't exactly tell what you're going for, but replacing words like that with a longer description or a better-sounding verb would make the story flow a lot better, especially with how much you use L-Y words. Just a few sentences after this, she breathes in "sharply." How do you breathe in sharply? Did she take a deep breath, did she let it in slowly? How does one breathe in sharply?

I hate to sound like I'm picking your story apart, but it is truly lovely and this is just something I feel could make it better.

This is exactly the kind of story I enjoy, is that weird? But any who, I'm assuming this is about a girl who is trapped in a abusive relationship that she can't even see is abusive. And if so I love it. The way you describe her as being love struck to the point she doesn't see what he truly is is amazing, and so little is told about the male but you can already tell by the way you've described him that he's not a very pleasant man and it almost makes you pity the poor girl.
I really hope you're reviving this because I would love to read more.

This story has me really emotional. It's very brief, very concise, but it's extremely powerful. Sometimes, a story can be quite interesting and can capture a person's attention and heart and emotions without having to be really very long. The first chapter really shocked me, because it was basically the end. The subsequent chapters were really quite interesting. It seems like she's the most dependent partner in this relationship. Or at least, that's how it seems. He seems to take some sort of perverse pleasure in hurting her, so maybe he's secretly more dependent than she is. She seems so intent and... I guess, needy, for him. Not in a bad way, but in a codependent way. Clearly, their relationship is abusive, and though it's sad to see how unsteady their relationship is, it also does seem like a pretty realistic description of how those relationships tend to be. I love this. I just love the whole feel of it. It's... it's good, really good. I wish I knew more about their relationship, but I don't, and that's okay, because it keeps me on my toes and wanting more. Maybe he does love her in his own, twisted way. Or love hurting her, anyways.
Over all - lovely. This was beautiful, lovely, magical, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Spectacular!

I like that, even though you never really spelled out any of the emotions she was feeling, you just managed to make me feel the loneliness that she's feeling in the first chapter alone. The simple act of leaving her alone and walking away was very heartbreaking. And as you get to more of the chapters, you can just feel how unsure she is about their relationship - or at least that's how I'm perceiving this.

I love how the first chapter is their end, and the last was their beginning. It really put some things into perspective. It's so uncomfortable to read about how he became such a controlling person in their "relationship", which does sound like an abusive one. I think what really sold it for me was at the end of the fifth chapter where you write, "But he loved her. Really, he did." That always just sends off alarms in my mind, personally, and it breaks my heart how nervous she is around this guy.

I think the worst part was how desperate she was to keep him and how hopeless it left me feeling when she had always thought of herself as being alone.

You make this story really resonate with the reader in a certain way and I think that your writing is absolutely stellar.

Great job with this!

Whoa. First, the layout is gorgeous, and it really sets the mood with the dark colors.

The use of imagery, and the way you described her feelings of sadness were incredible. I'm quite jealous that you were able to convey so much in such short chapters. The way the chapters are written is really gripping, and it had me wanting to read more every time I finished one. The first chapter really hooks you in, and you're left questioning why he's leaving her and walking away so coldly. I really love how the story is progressing backwards towards the beginning of this relationship.

As the further I delved into this story, it really set me into the mindset of being in an abusive relationship. Your use of words described the thoughts of a person being abused perfectly. From when she thinks it will be only time because he was just so mad to where it gets out of hand, and she's so scared, yet she still loves him in some strange way.

I really like the story, and the way you planned it out. I can't wait to see more of it!

I adore your use of descriptions. It enables the reader to get a grasp on the emotions throughout - such as loss and desperation. The imagery in this is beautiful and I feel as though I am seeing and experiencing it. You’ve written out the protagonist’s loneliness and sadness so well that I can feel it. Even from reading the first chapter alone, I am drawn into her character and am intrigued to know why and how she became this way.

I love the ambiguity it has, as well. The characters have no name so anyone could relate to the narrative, which is a nice touch in a story where people can relate to this. The focus you have placed on describing the people and relationship causes the reader to become attached. Whilst reading this I feel entirely immersed in their world and I feel worried for her because you can see in just the body language alone that she is in an abusive relationship. The way you have used the body language is clever because I believe that often body language can say a lot more than words can, as proved with their relationship.

I love how the further back we go into the story the scarier it gets, despite us going back to the beginning. ‘He wasn’t going to let her get away this time’ is such a strong line that leaves a large impact on the reader. The mindsets within the two characters, considering the dynamic, are so realistic and the story feels real. ‘He was just angry’ is a line you hear so many times in real life and it’s so haunting here.

The backwards narration and the final chapter is what made this story so gripping and haunting. You have really captured the dynamic of an abusive relationship well and I’m speechless at the last line within the story. It has a huge impact and you have written this so well. I’m actually a little mad I hadn’t read it before.

Your writing is powerful, the emotion it has is spellbinding at times and the hold that you create over your readers is amazing. I like that you concentrate on on detail and showing rather than telling :)

First I would like to say that your writing style is very descriptive and paints an effective mood across your story. It is sad and sick all at the same time and I like that. It really stretches the reader's imagination at the beginning because there is no scene description, only the description of the two people. That white canvas continues to be effective throughout the story as the scene obviously changes but only focuses on the relationship. The only qualm that I have with this is that there is so little character description to go off of. I know minimalist is the goal here, but I think that the audience could feel so much more if the chapters were just a little bit more in depth. A few more thoughts, exchanges or mood setting descriptions would make it perfect for a poetic short story. Keep up the good work.

Wow. I just read the first chapter, it's really short but it's full of emotions!!

Thanks for your comment on my story, Woman. I think I might cut some of the dialogue up. Definetly most of the story...is not in the first chapter. ;)

this looks and sounds lovely (-:

I like how in chapters 2 and 3 he's always pulling her along by her hands, but in the prolouge he's casting away. It's cool that there's no context for this story, it gives it an eerie tone. Also, it forces the reader really work out the imagination.

I love the writing style, ahh. Can't wait to read more!!

ahh!! I don't know what's going on, but it's a good thing! it's very mysterious and I just want to know. I like your writing style because I almost feel as if I'm deprived of a sense, as if I'm blindfolded and can't see, but only hear and feel touch. I can actually feel the touch of the guy as if I were the girl narrator.

I just like this I hope you can continue!

I really like this. And I must say that it really reminds me of/exactly describes how my ex-boyfriend would pull away my arms and push me away when I wouldn't (couldn't) let go of a hug. It was awful and this captured it for me. Nicely done.

Anyway, I'm subscribing. c: