December 31st, 2013 at 03:35am
This is very nicely done! You set the mood immediately and I can instantly feel that it's sort of gloomy and lonely, like something's wrong as he calls the sky "dark." After the phone call and reading his thoughts and feelings, I'm left dying to wonder about what is going on, like why can't he return home? I'm just so curious about what happened to make him think that he didn't have a place to be there. As you continue to read, you can feel his emotions and connect the reader and Dean, which is absolutely fantastic! I love when you made him just kinda up and leave after his contemplation, I was hoping that he would be able to make it in time! Ending it the way you did was so beautiful and heartwarming! I'm glad that the family was able to get together and celebrate Christmas!
If there's one thing I'd like to point out, it's that in the dialoge, "I miss you guys to," to should be too. It's a common mistake that even I know I make on occasion, but I thought I'd just point it out to you. Other than that though, this was very well written and I really enjoyed it! Great job and keep up the great work!
I must say, the character being called Dean and the kid being called Ben reminded me so much of Supernatural, especially with Dean having a brother that wasn't back yet and having to be away from people at times, so when I saw that this was inspired by the show it made me happy that I wasn't just reading too into this entry. Or too obsessed with the show.
His inability to be home for Christmas raises so many questions for me with the main one being: why? Why can't he make it home for Christmas? What can't he keep letting happen? Why isn't it safe? None of them get answer which leaves me very, very curious. I do like how he ended up judging that spending Christmas with his family was more important than whatever it was he was doing and drove all those miles to surprise them at the door - almost as if he was a Christmas miracle himself.
I spotted no errors or mistakes and thought this was a lovely piece to read. It had such a good ending that I really enjoyed this piece.