Lying Girl - Comments

I’m here as the new judge for the ‘Genre Contest’.

This was a really interesting take on a familiar kind of concept. The whole “sleeping with my boyfriend’s twin brother” thing is definitely something I’ve seen before, but I like that you wrote it your own way to keep it from being cliché. It’s hard to rewrite really common tropes to be unique and memorable, but I think you did it. If not simply for the fact that she gives him pies after they have sex. I was actually so surprised by that little bit that I had to reread it to make sure I didn’t read too quickly and have the wrong idea, but no. She gives him pies. That’s so odd.

I like how the narrator is positive that he’s in love with her, but also completely aware that she’s just using him as a plaything. I can’t imagine how that feels, but I think that he’s definitely fooled himself into thinking he’s in love. I’d love to know how their “arrangement” came to be, though. I would imagine the narrator had a sense of loyalty to his brother so for them to reach a point where he’s sleeping with his brother’s girlfriend must have been an interesting story. I, personally, would immediately tell my twin that their significant other came onto me waaay before I ever even considered the prospect of some strange relationship with them behind their back. Or at all, even if they broke up. (But I say all this assuming that he has morals and wouldn’t just immediately jump into bed with her the second she showed any interest.) It definitely sparks a lot of questions that make me curious.

I enjoyed reading this glimpse into these character’s twisted lives, so good job.

The point of this is that you really can't trust a cold blooded woman and you made me love it girl. I meen damn, you have some seriously good writing skills.

That was actually really good for such a short piece. It was sad and filled with so much emotion and honesty. This is a good one.

I want to read more of his story. It's amazing. The way you wrote this is beautiful leaving me wanting more. I honestly think that I can go on and on about this even though it's so short. I love this. Of course, I don't expect anything less from you.