The Dead - Comments

Hey there!

Let me start from the beginning. There is one spelling error in the summary; you just forgot to capitalize one of the "I"s in the line.
Also, have you considered making a layout for this? Believe it or not, the appearance of the story actually can help bring in more readers. I think the summary is interesting, so why not have a layout for the story to complement it? Just be sure that it is a layout everyone can read.

Onto the story...
I have to say I am rather confused with the story...I'm not really sure as to what is going on. I don't know or think that I'm right, but I kinda got an impression of a zombie apocalypse, told from the point of view of...a zombie?? That sees and talks to the dead?? I am pretty confused. I don't know, maybe I am too dense.
It seems that you have a whole lot of details here, very graphic(which I don't mind at all) but to me it only makes a vague image. It kinda feels like I am reading in a point of you of someone that is struggling to keep their consciousness or even sanity.
I also noticed that you have varying paragraph structure. I am not sure if it was intentional to have everything line to the left of the screen; if it is and you like it, that's fine, but makes sure it doesn't get too blocky---long blocks of words can intimidate readers.

I'm not sure what is going on, to be fully honest, and I can't seem to follow what is going on. Despite that I sense that you do have a plot going here.
Keep working at it; it takes some dedication to create a masterpiece, right?

Good so far.

Good so far.

Thanks for crediting me! It's a good story so far.

The very last paragraph in chapter 2 should be:

The others that slink around in the shadows of the forest pulled back, their voices are nothing but static. Oh, how I missed the silence of day. Once again, the trees close around me, shutting the door of darkness on the moon. I grip the straps of my backpack tight; the woods have always been unnerving to me. Their depths can hide anything. It turns out to be a woman that comes to me next. She does not look old or young; her hair is a dry moss brown, pulled into a bun on top of her head. The fly aways frame her porcelain face. Long and thick black lashes frame paralyzing green eyes. Shades of rose color her lips and cheeks. She wears a cream lace dress with sleeves and a turtle neck, both fastened closed with purple buttons. There is a white ribbon tied around her waist, the ends of which hangs behind her, almost to the floor. She is barefoot, and her white stockings, along with the end of the dress, are almost black and fraying. It is as if she has been running through the woods bar foot and hysterical.

"Please," she wails to me, a thick southern drawl lingering in her voice, "I don’t know where I am." She grabs my arm and leans her weight onto me. "Please, help me. They left me out here. Oh God, where am I and how did I get here?" Her crying makes it almost impossible to understand her, and her grip makes it impossible to move. I gently take her hands and look her in the eyes.

"I cannot help you. You are dead, and I don’t know where we are, either," I tell her. Her face falls, and the rose of her blush stands out a deep red as her face whitens more.

"No. No, you are lying to me," she wails at me as she yanks her hands back. "Help! Please, someone help me," she carries on as she moves away from me back into the shadows of her broken record life.

I shake out the chill that she left behind. Then, I continue to move. "You did not have to be so cruel," the voice is thick and sends my skin on fire.

"It was only truth," I answer, but I do not stop.

"Sometimes the truth hurts the worst." It is Leah who appears in front of me. She is young, wrapped in a dress made of plastic shower curtains.

Sorry, I thought I sent that to you.

Are you saying that your hearing disability causes you to have issues with language? Is that the other reason you have trouble with spelling, dear? I can be your editor, if you'd like. Just let me know, okay. :)