I’m not going to lie, it took me a couple of read-throughs to start understanding what was happening. Once I realized that it was a revenge fic of the sorts, I was actually really surprised. It ended up giving me mixed feelings honestly. Because I really hated James for what he did to all those girls, but I also felt sort of bad for him in the end. Barely. Not really enough to pity him because he did kind of deserve it. I think I felt bad more so for the narrator because it broke their heart to do it. And it was so shitty that their “best friend” was blackmailing them, too.
The problem was really that this entire thing was extremely confusing. You had a lot of errors strewn about, to a point where I struggled to figure out what you even meant. As I said, I had to read this a couple of times before I started to piece it together. You had a lot of poetic potential, especially with second person, but there were just so many errors and awkwardly written sentences that it felt like a mess. It was very baffling for me. I can’t figure out the narrator—Marina?—at all because you weren’t very clear about them. I don’t know their pronouns at all because it seemed like… they got blackmailed into doing what they did because they were biologically a male, but then in the note and at other points, it seemed like it was all an act or something. I can’t figure out who James is to them? Or who Kali is to them? Or, really, anyone’s connection to anyone. It was really unclear.
So I think this had a lot of potential and you definitely captured a complex spectrum of emotions in a really stressful situation, but it definitely needs a little work.
I’m not going to lie, it took me a couple of read-throughs to start understanding what was happening. Once I realized that it was a revenge fic of the sorts, I was actually really surprised. It ended up giving me mixed feelings honestly. Because I really hated James for what he did to all those girls, but I also felt sort of bad for him in the end. Barely. Not really enough to pity him because he did kind of deserve it. I think I felt bad more so for the narrator because it broke their heart to do it. And it was so shitty that their “best friend” was blackmailing them, too.
The problem was really that this entire thing was extremely confusing. You had a lot of errors strewn about, to a point where I struggled to figure out what you even meant. As I said, I had to read this a couple of times before I started to piece it together. You had a lot of poetic potential, especially with second person, but there were just so many errors and awkwardly written sentences that it felt like a mess. It was very baffling for me. I can’t figure out the narrator—Marina?—at all because you weren’t very clear about them. I don’t know their pronouns at all because it seemed like… they got blackmailed into doing what they did because they were biologically a male, but then in the note and at other points, it seemed like it was all an act or something. I can’t figure out who James is to them? Or who Kali is to them? Or, really, anyone’s connection to anyone. It was really unclear.
So I think this had a lot of potential and you definitely captured a complex spectrum of emotions in a really stressful situation, but it definitely needs a little work.