Vicious Circle - Comments

Loved the update! It was rather short this time but the quality was still there! :D love the drive of the plot and can't wait to read more! proud of you! <3

Loving the progress of this story! Can't wait to read more, you're an amazing writer and great ideas that need to be expressed. Excited for the next update! Daryl better find her soon or I'll break through and enter the story and kick his arse myself! Lovin it tho! :D

Loving the progress of this story! Can't wait to read more, you're an amazing writer and great ideas that need to be expressed. Excited for the next update! Daryl better find her soon or I'll break through and enter the story and kick his arse myself! Lovin it tho! :D

Layout / Summary

The layout is pretty, everything ties in well together. The colours mesh in well and I'm not blinded whilst reading it, which is a massive bonus. No issues there!

in the summary, I noticed this one sentence that I was unsure of: She lost everyone she ever knew and loved was lost to the outbreak and she had to put down most of them unwillingly. It seems to repeat the same sort of thing twice so it may be an idea to look at that again. Other than that, the summary gives a nice little overview of the story as a whole.

Content

I adore TWD, I really do. I'm very excited to see how this is going to play out, but I've only watched up until season 4 so far, so I'll only read the first few chapters, just in case!

I do agree with Qhuinn below, the bullet-point list seems to disrupt the flow of the chapter. I got to that point and it seemed to stunt straightaway. Is there any way you can weave that into the sentences? It'd definitely make it easier to read.

What I like about your main character is that she's adapted completely to her surroundings. I think that's where I'd arse up in a zombie apocalypse; I hate change and I'd refuse to get tougher in order to survive. Rose has definitely managed to get a survival instinct going like crazy, which is awesome. With her being so strong-willed and independent, I was really amused to see her bump into Daryl. Those two are a match made in hell, haha! I can't imagine that their story will work out smoothly, but I'm hopeful that they'll both manage to make a good go of it. I'm excited to see (once I finally get caught up!) how she'll merge in with the rest of the group!

Concrit

Anemia doesn't generally need to be capitalised.

Overall

This is a good start! I like your main character and I like that you've got this running adjacent to the show, and that you keep Daryl as his good old self. I'll come back to this once I'm caught up!

Another on to strike off my list of things to read. Walking Dead Fanfic down. :D
I like the idea of the story but noticed the banner for the layout isn't working? I don't think its my computer/cache since everyone else's banners are showing up fine. Second the layout of the first chapter, where you list things with bullets -- this is more personal preference and aesthetics than anything and completely optional to change-- but the bullets look funny in a story. Maybe try having her count things off instead of listing it with bullets? I don't know. Its just odd looking.
Anyways, I only read the first few chapters-- I can never bring myself to read the last chapter because then Im completely lost-- and the premise of the story is great. I've only watched a little bit of TWD so some of it is probably lost on me but you make it so I don't have to watch it to know what the hell is going on.
I didn't notice any mistakes, at least any that are glaring obvious except for in chapter three. The page break after “Hold your damn rope for a second will you and do me a favor and don’t get yourself killed.” isn't spaced enough between that and the next paragraph.

Okay, so this seems to be a pretty decent story so far. There are a few little bits that I feel could be changed. There are a lot of ellipses in the story that aren't used correctly. They are typically used to signify something missing, such as if someone was speaking and the main character couldn't hear parts of what they were saying.

For example: "There's been an infestation of rabid monkeys! Oh, damn... Pizza's been... The situation is out of... Help!"

'I used to be a college student, boyfriend, and friends and family galore...' should this be 'I used to be a college student, have a boyfriend, and friends, and family galore'?

'This was past the getting old shit.' This was a little confusing on first read. Maybe consider changing it to something like 'I was sick of the same old shit'?

Anyway, the first chapter sets up the story quite well and it looks to be a really good story.

Well I have to say this story is getting the hype and appreciation it deserves. I don't have much to say except for an impressive update and looking forward to reading more.

Oh my gosh! Okay, so first off, there were quite a few places in the first paragraph (obviously of the most recent chapter) alone that I spotted sentences without periods at the ends of them. Also when you wrote the sentence:
The silence that filled this area was almost deafening, but something toward the end was calling me name. is supposed to be,
The silence that filled this area was almost deafening, but something towards the end was calling my name.
I loved reading the part where Rose went to limbo, because it was different and new. Having her see her ex-fiance and son, that was a real tear jerker, cause I could only imagine what she must have been feeling. My mind was blown when she told Daryl that she was going to go with them. I was like, "Whaaaaat?! The feeeelllls!!"
I am a little confused on how Daryl got there, though. If he was there, wouldn't that mean that he was also dying, too? Or was the whole things just some strange dream she was having? Either way, I loved it and I can't wait to read more!

Actually, the episode Internment is one of my favorites in the series and definitely my favorite from season four next to the episode when Daryl is with Pete's group.

I love how you wrote this chapter, that awesome heart-swelling feeling you get when Daryl gets back in the nick of time to save Rose, and then when he meets her inbetween and she has to choose. A very well written chapter, great job, keep it up!

Wow, so where should I eve begin? I have to say this story just seems to keep amazing me. Let me start with things I like about it. For one, the beginning of the story is very unique and that is a good quality to have in your writing. Your writing style is also unique and that sets you apart from other writers. Your mind is amazing my friend. Especially with this last chapter! The limbo scene was fantastically written! There were so many feels in this last scene.
Thing I didn’t like. Well let’s see. Though I absolutely love your writing style, there are points in your writing where you go between tenses. You write mostly in the past tense but slip into present tense or sometimes you’ll even mix first person with second person. “he said, making me look up at him and I saw the tears that were flowing down his face.” That is past tense. “Daryl’s voice whispers hoarsely,” that is present tense. That might not be the best example but it gets the point across.
However that is the only constructive criticism I have for you and I know you’ve heard it a million times from me already. It is getting better but I still see it sometimes. I still love you, I love your writing, and I love you mind. Keep writing my friend. You definitely have the talent! Oh one other thing, how dare you rob me of a lemon scene! Bad Julia! Bad! Haha, but still loved it!

While I've seen them I've never actually read a Walking Dead story mostly because I'm only on the second season and don't want any spoilers.

Anyway I felt sad for her in the first chapter I mean usually someone survives with you at least one person, but she lost everyone. I wonder how that happened, was it quick like they all died in the first couple of days or did they survive for a good amount of time? I'm also wondering why she hasn't turned, is she really immune or just has a high tolerance?

OK the first mistake I actually found was in the summary I felt the sentence.

She lost everyone she ever knew and loved was lost to the outbreak and she had to put down most of them unwillingly.

Should be

She lost everyone she ever knew and loved to the outbreak and she had to put down most of them unwillingly.

And the last sentence of the summary

Finding more and more out about herself as she goes.

Should be

Finding out more and more out about herself as she goes.

In the first chapter I think that

Now, it’s been twelve months since the outbreak and I have managed to only encounter a couple humans.

Should be

Its been twelve months since the outbreak and I have managed to only encounter a couple humans.

The last one is the sentence

I used to be a college student, boyfriend, and friends and family galore, I had my faith to fall back on and used to have so many hobbies.

Should be

I used to be a college student, boyfriend, friends and family galore, I had my faith to fall back on and used to have so many hobbies.

@ Albluerose
@ bucky.angel
@ WhereMyDemonsHide

Thank you all for your comments and your helpful critics, I just spent time and made paragraphs and I think I fixed that picture! Oh do be careful with reading other comments, there are spoilers xD

So I started to read this and I have to say that So far, so good. But I do feel like the relationshio between Daryl and rose can be a little bit more, I'm trying to find the word. But I guess described. I also think that putting paragraphs would make your story a whole lot easier to read. There are paragraphs but space them out, because it's like one long paragraph. :) it gives note to read and more room to read the speech.

I haven't looked for any errors, because if I do then it distracts me from the story. I haven't finished the story yet but I totally plan to. Oh and in the first chapter there are two images, but its really no big deal to me. So over all keep up the good work and I can't wait to see where this story goes. :)

Edit- I just read in a comment that the cat was killed. Oh no, I'm going to dread reading that chapter! Animal death hurts me more then human death, unless its Daryl. But oh no :(

Well I have to admit you've already got something different here - I haven't come across a TWD fan fic that has an immune character! Mentioning that in your first chapter is definitely a good way to hook your readers!

Looks like in the first chapter you've had a bit of an issue with the coding because the image has come up twice It's sweet that your character has a cat, and it helps to explain why she's not insane after being alone for quite a while.

I'd definitely recommend that you double space between your paragraphs, because otherwise it seems like a big daunting chunk of text. Double spacing is just generally a lot easier on the eyes

I don't know if this is something you've picked up on, but you might want to keep an eye out for inconsistencies. Rose says "Feel free to explore" but then the very next thing she says to Daryl is "You shouldn’t be up and about; you lost a lot of blood today" which contradicts her previous sentence. It interrupted the flow of the story for me.

Otherwise, it seems like a good start to a Daryl fic, you've got the potential to turn it into a unique read!

When I saw your submition to the comment-swap-a-thon, I got all excited, I love the Walking Dead

First off, I love the story. I've read a few WD fanfics and they usually have the same plot (Daryl finds the girl fighting off walkers in the woods and poof! Instant love) So the fact that you made your main character independent and more than capable of taking care of herself and she's the one who saves Daryl's ass has made this by far my favorite Walking Dead story. It's different, and it's nice to see it when the topic's plots tend to be repetitive.

Also, it was so sad when her cat was killed because really, the cat was her last bit of family. I laughed throughout the first couple chapters, like when Daryl makes fun of her 'soccer mom' van. It was definitely one of my favorite parts.

I don't have any negative feedback. Keep rockin' it and writing, I look forward to the next update :D

Sometimes the shortest of chapter are the most awesome. You're doing a great job keep it up.

Dude, this was a good chapter! Don't apologize that it was short, it was very well done and I can't wait to read more. I hope Rose will be okay!
D: Keep rockin'!

Dude, this was a good chapter! Don't apologize that it was short, it was very well done and I can't wait to read more. I hope Rose will be okay!
D: Keep rockin'!