I’m here as the new host for ‘The Writing Contest’.
I’ll admit that I don’t much (okay, really nothing at all) about Sherlock so I’m not sure what details were canon and what others were your own creations for the story’s sake—like I’m not sure if there actually was a wife named Ellie that died of cancer or not—so I treated it all like a mix of original fiction/retelling the last day Sherlock had with his wife. And on that note, I thought this was a really bittersweet and heartbreaking story with a lot of emotions. I was so sad that she died on Valentine’s Day, especially after Sherlock had spent so much time making it special. It was actually so disheartening yet poignant that they both had this feeling that it needed to be special because there wasn’t anything else. The final line tied things together well, I think.
I really liked the relationship you created with Ellie and Sherlock because there was so much love between the two, which you expressed very well. It added more melancholy to the overall tone of the story because you knew from the start that something was wrong with Ellie. I liked how you made sure to acknowledge how Sherlock isn’t overly affectionate because that made this even more important. The entire scene where they were trading gifts was actually adorable.
As for concrit, you did have some spelling errors and your dialogue tags weren’t proper at times. There were some points where you could have used a comma here and there to prevent run-on sentences or dialogue coming off as your character talking really fast/without pauses. Try reading your sentences out loud and seeing what feels natural. If there’s a brief pause in the dialogue (or narrative) at all in the way that you read it naturally, add a comma. Or a semicolon if you have two independent clauses connected without a conjunction. It’ll definitely help your flow.
Other than that, I thought this was a very emotional and sentimental piece. Good job!
I’ll admit that I don’t much (okay, really nothing at all) about Sherlock so I’m not sure what details were canon and what others were your own creations for the story’s sake—like I’m not sure if there actually was a wife named Ellie that died of cancer or not—so I treated it all like a mix of original fiction/retelling the last day Sherlock had with his wife. And on that note, I thought this was a really bittersweet and heartbreaking story with a lot of emotions. I was so sad that she died on Valentine’s Day, especially after Sherlock had spent so much time making it special. It was actually so disheartening yet poignant that they both had this feeling that it needed to be special because there wasn’t anything else. The final line tied things together well, I think.
I really liked the relationship you created with Ellie and Sherlock because there was so much love between the two, which you expressed very well. It added more melancholy to the overall tone of the story because you knew from the start that something was wrong with Ellie. I liked how you made sure to acknowledge how Sherlock isn’t overly affectionate because that made this even more important. The entire scene where they were trading gifts was actually adorable.
As for concrit, you did have some spelling errors and your dialogue tags weren’t proper at times. There were some points where you could have used a comma here and there to prevent run-on sentences or dialogue coming off as your character talking really fast/without pauses. Try reading your sentences out loud and seeing what feels natural. If there’s a brief pause in the dialogue (or narrative) at all in the way that you read it naturally, add a comma. Or a semicolon if you have two independent clauses connected without a conjunction. It’ll definitely help your flow.
Other than that, I thought this was a very emotional and sentimental piece. Good job!