March 8th, 2014 at 09:59pm
this is so raw & beautiful, i seriously don't know where to start. nickelback -- savin' me. well, can a song get anymore perfect, especially when used for a story?
tho i don't really like how the lyrics are basically a page break, i like the comparison between the song & it's meaning with kate. + i have to add that you have several spelling errors & a quick proofread would clear all of that.
job well done!
layout
- I am incredibly critical when it comes to layouts. It's almost a downfall for me. If I don't like a layout, I won't read a story. With that being said, I do really like your layout; however, I do think the image banner is too small and the font doesn't seem to match in my eyes. So for that, I'll give you 8/10
summary
- Thank you for linking the contest back in the summary. You're a hero.
I wish there would have been more about the actual story in the summary. Like maybe an excerpt from it, just so I could have a general idea of what it's about. 8/10
the story
- I don't know how I feel about the lyrics actually being in the story in clumps like they are. It's almost like they've been used as page breaks. However, I can see how they relate to Kate and I do honor that.
I also notice that you go from telling us about how/when Chris left, to directing the story towards Chris. I don't like the jump like that; I think stories should be fairly consistent. If you referred to him as "him, he," etc, it shouldn't change to "your, you".
Save me so I can show you the true me. Not the Kate who can’t wait for the next high. Not the Kate who drinks till the pain is gone. Not the Kate has scars on her arms. Tell me I’m worth being saved so I can leave this old me behind. - I love how this matches up with the song perfectly. I can feel the pain Kate is feeling and I can see who she's turned into, because your imagery is pretty powerful.
“Am I still worth being saved?” - That is a powerful line to end on.
Overall, I do think that you did a very good job with this story. I did notice some grammatical and spelling mistakes, and I think that it might benefit you to find a beta or an editor simply so these things won't render you down the road.
I am very proud to announce that this entry has won second place in the contest. Good job.