Hold Your Tongue - Comments

The first line really caught my eye. At first I thought Charlie was just a bit odd, for sitting there doing nothing during a school shooting. Then I really didn't expect her to be involved in the shooting, or at lease have ulterior motives into letting her partner kill himself and her pretending that she was the victim. It kind of reminded me of Scream 4. I didn't really expect Charlie not to be the Tongue Twister, but was relieved to find out she wasn't. It kept up the mystery and put me on my toes.

I liked that something could get Charlie as excited as killing, Bennet. And I'm probably the only one hoping that you based him off of Christian Grey, that would be amazing I also like that you gave her most of the traits a descriptive psychopath has: intelligence, charm, confidence, likes to be alone and that any glance she gives could cower away anyone.

Everything was so imaginative, different and vivid. Just in Chapter 2 how you described waking up and the sun shining though the window was so different and refreshing. I kind of expected Charlie to feel a little more glory in her killings and some suspicion in Fraiser and Vanessa. Although this is very different and great, how you wrote from the murders point of view rather than the victim. I like it very much, I can't want to see what happens next.

Okay so I think I figured out the pattern of the tongue twister. So the one guy was 54. 5+4=9 the next guy was 19 and if you add 1 and 9 it equals 10. The next victim was 38 which equals 11! I bet the age of the next victim would equal 12 :) and these are the amount of people he killed but the last 9 just weren't linked to him or something! Am I right?

You've certainly done your research. As an avid crime lover, I can confidently say that your portrayal of Charlie as a psychopath is spot on. I am subscribed and ready for more updates!

Holy crap I love this story. That twist at the beginning was absolutely perfect. In fact the entire first part was absolutely flawless. And Charlie is such a great character despite being totally messed up. I am so happy you linked me to this because it's seriously amazing.

@ addictedsevenfold.
Thank you so much for your brilliant comment! I don't know what else to say but thank you!

Found this via the comment swap thread. ^^

First things first, that is one disturbing banner! xD But I mean that as a compliment, I promise! I actually like how attention-grabbing it is, and how well it works with the story's title, too. It's clear already that this story will be captivating and probably a thriller. The rest of the layout is nice and all goes together well, too.

I enjoyed the summary; I think you really did a good job of capturing the attention of the readers without giving to much detail. And, of course, you draw in the title (and the banner!) once again, so that's always super awesome.

The opening of the story is very fascinating. At first I was wondering if the main character was the one firing the shots, but seeing her sitting still at her desk, so contrasting to the chaos around her... it's an interesting visual, and it certainly captured my attention and made me wonder about her.

You've got a few small errors here and there that I'm catching, but I don't think they're anything to worry about. Honestly, I probably only notice because I'm a teacher, so catching errors in others' works is kind of my job. I won't harass you with edits, though; I'll just say that you might want to watch your subject-verb agreements and your placing of descriptive phrases.

The interaction between Rupert and Charlie was very interesting, to say the least. I would have guessed that the story was going to open up with her not knowing this other person, but clearly that's not the case. I'm very curious to know hoe they met and how the subject of 'oh, you're a sociopath, too?' came up in conversation. xD

And, oh dear, I spoke too soon. That's a fascinating little twist, there at the end! I was most definitely not expecting her to just be using him and to let him kill himself while she played the helpless victim. This is deep, bro! Really deep. I'm digging this so far!

And then now I'm feeling awkward, because I'm actually sympathizing with Charlie and how she's handling the questions from Vanessa. I mean, I'd feel awkward, since I'm not a fan of the drinking, losing control, and making an arse out of myself thing, either... but then again, she's a sociopath, so clearly I shouldn't sympathize.

Still have to say, even though Rupert clearly isn't around anymore, I'm still very curious to know how they met and how he came to think he had found his other half. I mean, how does one introduce that kind of thing into a conversation? Really? Honey, I love you, and I need you to kill a few handfuls of people for me?

Also, I like the whole Tongue Twister thing; it obviously ties in with the title and the banner, and it's super awesome that you were able to connect everything so well.

Love the professor! I can't believe people would be terrible enough to make fun of a girl who was involved in a traumatic event like that. (And, yeah, she was in on it so she totally deserves it, but they don't know that!) I think the professor handled that beautifully, and he sounds pretty awesome.

And there's the Charlie we saw in the first chapter. Yeah, her reaction to Abbie was pretty entertaining. I mean, I feel bad for the girl because she's clearly just trying to make a friend and be nice, but I also kind of get how it could be irritating.

Okay, overall: this story is super interesting and I think you've got a fantastic foundation laid down that will be easy to build off of. The plot hasn't picked up much yet, but I can already tell it will be interesting, and I'm sure many more people will soon stumble upon this and get captivated by it. Interesting idea, and I like that you took on the point of view of someone who clearly wasn't the victim. ^^

Oh wow. Just from the first chapter alone I can tell that this is going to be a very deep story. I love that you started it out right away with the action - going into the shooting immediately instead of having some sort of unnecessary exposition. It definitely made the story easier to read.

As I continue reading, Charlie definitely has me curious. I can't help but wonder why she isn't frightened like the rest of them. Is she in on the whole thing? Does she want to die?

And my suspicion was right! She was in on it! Now I'm definitely curious about what's going on. What led Charlie and Rupert up to this point? Are they angry with the other students or is this some sort of fetish for them like on Criminal Minds?

Wow the ending of the first chapter was simply mind blowing. Just wow. I thought for sure it was going to be a double suicide but it looks like Charlie has other plans. She seems like a very twisted girl, and I can tell she is going to be one of those characters that you love to hate.

This story is absolutely fantastic so far! I love how unique it is and I can tell you really put a lot of thought into the development of Charlie.This is absolutely amazing!

Firstly I love your layout, I love how the photo/banner literally relates to the title of the story and it's a real jaw dropper to see something like that straight away, I really wasn't expecting it!

Onto the story I love where this is going and I love the mystery behind this. I breezed through the chapters. Charlie creeps me out but in a good way If that makes sense. Your description is perfect and overall I can't wait to read more :)

Your summary is a wonderful example of how a summary should pull a reader in - everyone should take note - it's perfect, the wording, length and tone - perfect. You create this morbid atmosphere that carries over nicely into the first chapter, so the feeling isn't lost as the first chapter is being read - wonderful, just wonderful.

Stories like these - are my thing - they are a taboo in many cases because things like this happen all the time and it's beyond sad really - I am compelled to see how well you write psychopathic characters - Charlie is an intriguing character, that I wouldn't deny.

I like how you started this out, you gave us the time - hmmm seems important - anxious even like a student who is waiting for something to happen - like those students who can't keep their eyes off the wall clock waiting for the school bell to ring. When we are first introduced to Charlie, she is not bothered by gun shots and screams - that gave me a cold feeling up my spine - she's heartless and you write her too well.

From the moment Rupert spoke to Charlie - I knew who was in charge. Rupert, the boy who did what he was told and always followed the rules or went by the "plan" Charlie on the other hand - did what was necessary and played people like chess pieces. Your tone is gripping, as someone stated below and every foul thing that comes to mind, this story speaks of it, but in a good way.

This plays out as a movie and even though tv shows and movies have played this type of scene out a million of times, you worked some creativity in this - it's something done a lot, but new and with a twist - you have a great way of story telling and, of course - the most interesting character is Charlie - the nobody who will become a somebody.

Charlie is an attention whore who deserves to die the worst way imaginable and is just an awful person, but those characters are liked the most and talked about the most - you've done well that's for sure.

What makes me sad and angry - and I will read the next chapters too, but Charlie is a psychopath as you stated, but I would say more so a high functioning sociopath, maybe - but somewhere, someone should have known - psychopaths don't get like that over night - it's a trait (disorder) you're born with - family or friend should have seen something or knew she was off the rocker a long time ago, that's not something you ignore - this type of behavior starts off young with killing cats and shit.

But good lord, you have started something very creepy, bone chilling, but also very good. I shall read the next chapters!

EEP! That banner makes me hurt, but it fits the title well.

The summary is definitely intriguing and makes you wonder what's going to unfold, plus it just seems plain intense and...dark, twisted even.

Yep, I was right this is dark and twisted. The writing is amazing though, like you capture calmness and chaos in a perfect blend.

When they kissed...I was like 'the shit is going on' lol!

This story is creepy, yet so incredibly gripping...like I can't even keep up with all the chaos, but that's a good thing. I want to know more about Charlie and what the heck made her like this.

Wonderful work here.

Oh god that twisted little shit. Seriously, after just reading the first chapter I'm completely addicted. Like I'm super curious as to what's going to happen to Charlie and what she's going to do now. Ugh litte twisted fucker, can't even handle her.

I like this first chapter very much. The twist at the end was something that I didn't expect, and I really am curious about how Charlie will play the victim, and what will happen to her in the future.

You've got another recc and subscribe. Nice work!

I like this. It's definitely something I would continue reading. I've recommended and subscribed, as well :)

This looks really interesting! The description in your blog make me think of a Dexter-esque type thing which I LOVE. When I get my laptop plugged in, I will definitely be back to read this.

For now, you've got a subscriber. :) I've been looking for something different. I hope this is it.