Home - Comments

  • JamieAllOver.

    JamieAllOver. (300)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    27
    Location:
    United States
    Oh, man, at first I thought Jack was the abuser. Kinda gave me a scare there, not gonna lie. Like JulieCHEE said, you do go back and forth between first and third quite a few times, and I found that a little confusing at first. I also didn't get understand how Jack knew to wait on the porch. Did he just sort of expect it, or did Alex manage to slip in a quick call before he left? I gotta comment on how cute Jack was to Alex, like, I live for cute things and speeches and gestures, you don't even understand. I got a little choked up myself when he started crying. Part of me thinks that maybe, even though Jack was his "breath of fresh air," he kept going back home because he knew that he'd get hurt. Not that he wanted to, but he knew that Jack would care for him... I don't wanna say more, but I can't think of any other word to use... maybe he knew that Jack would baby him, or care for him in a different way than he would if he wasn't hurt, if that makes sense? I don't know, maybe I'm just putting too much thought into it. If there's any one thing I learned from public school English teachers, it's to look into things too much. But I digress. To put everything simply, the beginning hurt me but the ending was so fluffy that it made up for the initial pain. Very good one-shot!
    December 14th, 2014 at 04:20am
  • JulieCHEE

    JulieCHEE (100)

    :
    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    29
    Location:
    Australia
    Before reading this i watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSATp6ySwSQ (it's home by three days grace)
    I think the song sorts the story. It's really sad. I cant stand parents that abuse their kids because they are gay. my first boyfriend turn about to be gay and after he came out to his very religious father he killed himself. So i connect with Alex. You have really good description.
    How ever you go from 1st person to 3rd person in writing styles. " I arrive with Jack waiting on the porch for me. He runs up to me but all I can do is breakdown sobbing, just wishing for things to go back to the way they were before the accident. Jack, the loving individual that he is, just pulls Alex into his arms, lifts him up, carries him inside and lays him down on his bed so that he can begin to inspect his injuries."

    I think you should continue it and not just leave it as a one shot.
    I really enjoyed it :)

    You have a really lovely writing style
    February 26th, 2014 at 06:17pm