Avidity - Comments

Holy crap! This is amazing. The chapters are short but they are packed with drama and action and amazingness. As soon as I started this I told my friend she had to read this. John is crazy! Poor Eden... gosh... I just... words... I can't even... You wrote this so perfectly and it captured me right away and.... GAH heading to the sequel right now!! need to know what happens next :) Great Great Great story.

Wow. I love stories like this. Short in length but completely packed with action and meaning - it takes a truly talented writer to be able to convey so much in so short of words. You illustrated John's insanity quite perfectly. I could feel it. Your imagery was grotesque and lovely and just, wow. Breath taking. I first found the last story to this trilogy and of course was interested, so I came to the first. I'm extremely excited to continue on with the trilogy. I want to know what exactly John's plans for Eden are and what exactly this is and how it will end and ultimately, Eden and John's own fates. Absolutely brilliant work, my dear.

I finally got around to finishing this! I loved it! I liked how quick pace this story is, I think the rush feeling of each chapter is like a scene from a play and it works well. The picture is painted beautifully and I don't want to sound repetitive from my other comment, but this was a great read. Any one could easily finish this in one sitting, it's gripping and John Hayes is a psycho. I'm moving along to the sequel now.

No you can NOT end the story here. Please make another story, I love this one. I want to know what John has in store for her and how Eden is going to react. Please, please, PLEASE don't end the story there!!!!

Wow, John felt guilty? Maybe he does have some human left in him... But what happened when he was going to kill her. Did he decide to knock her out instead of murdering her? And poor Eden, she now knows John is probably coming back for her...

No!!! Poor Eden, she doesn't stand a chance...
Love this though and the description and fear in it is amazing.

Oh my gosh! He is such a cold hearted jerk and now Eden is going to die a painful death! I feel sooooo bad for Eden!

Oh my gosh!!! So good!!! Update soon!!!!!!

Don't end the chapter there! I've got to know more!!!

Oh my gosh, this guy is such a sick person! I can't believe he is going to kill her! Poor Eden, I hope she can prepare herself in some way.
Please, please, PLEASE update soon!!!!!

Oh my gosh, this guy is such a sick person! I can't believe he is going to kill her! Poor Eden, I hope she can prepare herself in some way.
Please, please, PLEASE update soon!!!!!

Good chapter, but I'm looking forward to the big action scenes.

Loved this! I'm glad she realizes that she is in danger but still. John is ver clever, I'll admit. Did he put the date rape drug into her wine or food I wonder?

She is such an idiot!!!! Doesn't she know that going home with complete strangers is a one way ticket to death? Especially since she's a lawyer! Dude, use your brain!!!
Loved this chapter though, even though Eden is going to get herself killed!

this story is really good. the chapters are short but i feel like you couldn't describe more if you even tried. john is charismatic and gives me patrick bateman vibes. i feel so sorry for eden, she really has no idea what she's gotten herself into. doesn't she think it's funny that he just so happened to find daniel's phone?

Super awesome update. John is so creepy and I feel so bad that Eden is falling into his trap

So, like the creep that I am, I actually started reading this awhile ago and shame on me for not commenting because I thought this was too good. The short, simple wording is always my favorite to read because there's so much beauty there - even when the picture that's being created is not.

"Watch"
If less than probably 500 words, you captured a goose bump feeling of being watched. It's a scary feeling to feel because our perspective isn't the same as the other person's and that's terrifying really. It's a situation you just don't want to be in. This man is not only a coward, but a loser who has to pray on drunk women who are alone and unaware, but he is intriguing and I LOVE the length of these because it's enough for me to want more and more.

"Covered"
I thought this was interesting - the killer's shock in awe at his own handy work, the nature of a true serial killer, so it's only natural he will kill again and what I liked the most about this was how angry he was all of a sudden as if he didn't want her to die that quickly.

"Exchange and Confrontation"
He's a smooth fucker, I'll give him that and you write him so elegantly and proper, it's scary because he's charismatic and it's sick to know that men like him walk and breathe the same air we do - they blend in to society so well without a single notice of their impulses and their sociopathic ways and I could only imagine that he's very good looking, so women will go crazy for him, he knows them too well and his ruses are well practiced. So terrifying.

"Panic and Falsify"
In the second paragraph, you are missing a letter I believe, "The he backtracked and.." I think you meant then

I am in love with this, I really am - It has those moments where just as it can't get any worse, it does. Your writing style is beautiful and gets to the point even while being descriptive and realistic at times. This is raw and natural writing and as I said before - the length of these are perfect and the dialogue is too perfect. You have done nothing wrong here and I love what you're creating with this mad man! He's too clever and as we all know, the clever ones don't usually last very long, John will slip up and I can't wait to see that. He's crazy as shit and that makes him captivating and you're doing it well.

Keep writing.

That was a good update. I like how the chapters are getting a bit longer and we are reading the story through the eyes of John. Poor Daniel though. Even though he was a jerk, he didn't deserve to die. And poor Eden as well. That must suck, knowing the last words you said to someone were mean. Great update and I'm looking forward to reading more!

I am kind of confused. So lets see if I got this right. John is the serial killer who we met in the first chapters and Daniel was the boyfriend of Eden? And Daniel is not a serial killer, but he did something that made Eden break up with him? It would help if the chapters were a little longer and a bit more descriptitve. I did like the last 2 updates though, even if I was confused.

Sorry, didn't mean to post twice.