American Idiot - Comments

First off, thank you for the nostalgia from this Green Day album, it really made me happy considering how long ago this was and how big of a fan. I love how you incorporated it all within the interior of this story, it was absolutely fascinating! I know from reading other comments that you were already told about spelling mistakes and some other errors, the only thing I can think about adding onto that would be watch how you are doing your paragraphs. Some of them go from being separated to together in really odd intervals and confused me slightly. Other than that, that’s my only critic! Very wonderful job on this and keep up the good work!

@ LadyBatCat
Thank you for the comment!
I wrote this last year and I've been meaning to go through and edit it, so it definitely helps to know what to work on and fix. Thanks!

The concept of basing a story on an album is interesting, I think. I'll admit that most of the album references will be lost on me, however; I'm not a fan of Green Day.
First off, your sentences are really short and choppy. It doesn't really flow very well and makes it kind of hard to read. You should stretch out some of your sentences or join them together more. I understand wanting to avoid having any sentences that are too long, but be careful to not make all of them too short. Adding a variety of short and long sentences can make sentences flow together well and help make the story easier to read. You do a decent job of this in parts of the chapter, but I suggest editing the rest.

For example:
I sat in my living room, looking at the black and white screen. Political figures flashed across the screen. My mom sat on the opposite couch ignoring me, but that's not unusual. It's just the way it's always been. We rarely talk and when we do, a war breaks out and I just leave. I can't stay here anymore. Not now. Her eyes narrow when they flash over at me as if judging me -- as if I don't already have enough people doing that. Most of the people in the underground respect me and don't disagree with my decisions. It's my life and I'll do as I please.

I fixed up some other errors in the paragraph as well.

As someone already stated, "an" is only used when the next letter is a vowel, not a consonant.

I noticed that you said "life's" instead of "lives" here: Maybe it's help them a bit to take an look at their own life's.
This should be: Maybe it helps them a bit to take a look at their own lives.

It's an interesting idea, and I think with editing it will be a really good read.

I like how you throw in parts of the Jesus of Suburbia music video in the story. It's clever, how you're doing it. All the same, I will admit to skimming over the story because you are lacking block paragraphing. It's quite important to have larger spaces in between paragraphs as it makes it far more easy to read. Also, a constant mistake I see is that you are mixing up your indefinite articles. The only time you should use the article "an" is when the next word begins with a vowel. Every other situation would have the "a" alone. For example:

"I recently bought an book at the store." --This is incorrect

"I recently bought a book at the store." --This is correct

And again, to use the "an" you'll need a vowel directly after, such as this: "I'd love an apple pie."

Keep writing! This adds a fun twist to the story us Green Day fans know and love!

@ Crystal2
It depends on the tattoo. If your getting a large piece (depending, again, on the area), then it is very likely that you will be on some sort of table. However, there are special reclining chairs that extend to be flat. Some artists call it a table. I'm not saying you are wrong, though...Just giving some clarification! I'm planning to become a tattoo artist, so I should hope I've got my facts right!

OMG!!! I love your story so far!! "American Idiot" is actually my favorite Green Day album! I can't wait to read more!!

Gettin' better and better :D Just a tip thou, when you get a tattoo, you don't lay on a table, you sit in a chair... well thats how they do it where I live :) Can't wait for the next update!

I am liking this so far! I've never read a St. Jimmy story, but I really wanna know what happens next. Update soon, friend :D

xo Crystal