Calamity - Comments

This is such a cute story! I love how you had Rosie freak out when she found out that Derek was a werewolf-I feel like that's very realistic. Can't wait to see what's up next!

I love this fic. It's so good. <3

well that new chapter was just one big AAAWWEE and happy SIGH

Chapter 7
Most of her reaction to this news is normal, although not her thinking that Derek should be afraid of her going to the cops. I'm going to let that bit of insanity slide though since she is clearly losing her mind, After all, going up to the sheriff and saying, 'Derek Hale is a werewolf and all of his relatives were too', is just going to have people look at her like she's crazy.

Also, seriously, pretty sure it was clearly established in the show that Laura had come back to town looking for the alpha. Pretty sure I remember the alpha being Derek's first suspect, not hunters. Which, also, seriously, why would he randomly think that a random citizen is part of the hunters when there's literally a family in town that's made up of known hunters? Even if we're going with hunters being the main target of his rage, it makes no sense for him to randomly assume she's one of them.

You also just had Derek clearly state that Laura cleared Rosalie as a suspect years ago. Yet he blamed her again when he came back in town? I'm so confused. This story has such potential, but then Derek is just confusing and has major flaws in logic. I'm so confused.

Chapter 6
I'm still baffled by Derek to be honest, especially when he said he would have left Rosalie to die. Uh, when has Derek ever said that to any of his friends or former friends? In fact, the only time I can remember him saying something like that was to Argent, but that's a former enemy, and I'm pretty sure he said he wouldn't risk his life for him, not that he would just let him die.

I'm also just confused by how confused you have Derek be about himself. Does he want to be a douchebag or not? 'I would have let you die' and then less than two minutes later him swearing he'd never hurt her. Because hurting her is over the line, but letting her die is totally fine? Also, why show her his werewolf form at all if he clearly does not trust her?

My hands fumble clumsily as I stretch them over to the passenger door handle, the idea that I could, maybe, make a hasty retreat bubbling lamely underneath all the terror flowing through my system.
That seems rather wordy and long. At the very least, change up the punctuation to put a semi-colon somewhere in there.

But it’s too late for that because Derek, with this sharp nails and glistening teeth, has got me trapped in this room with no way out.
The word 'this' before 'this sharp nails and glistening teeth' should be 'these'.

Chapter 5
I'm hoping that things are explained more, because as it stands? I still think you handle Rosalie well, and you even handled Scott and Stiles relatively well. However, I'm still not buying this portrayal of Derek. Yeah, he's an angry guy, but he usually remained very stoic about it. I also just don't think he'd automatically distrust someone that was their naive friend. She doesn't even know he's a werewolf or that he's from a family of werewolves.

Like before, when I’d been corned in Dr. Deaton’s backroom, there are too many emotions swarming around in my system.
I'm assuming 'corned' is supposed to be 'cornered'.

It’s hard for me to distinguish between what’s real and rational, and what’s supposed to be there.
I'm confused by this sentence. Why would real, rational and what's supposed to be there divide up into three separate categories that need to be distinguished between? I'm not 100% sure what you were trying to get across with that sentence.

His jade eyes study me for a few seconds and I think he’s going to wipe away a piece of hair that had blown into my gaze, but he pulls away before I can feel his skin against mine anymore.
Probably should divide that sentence up into two sentences.

chapter 4
Okay so, his unnatural hatred of Rosalie was sort of explained, yet still doesn't make any sense. Derek has never shown a need to have a scapegoat. After all, he's a werewolf whose family was turned into a bunch of scapegoats and then burnt alive by a crazy hunter. Scapegoating isn't really in his repertoire.

A frown mares my lips at that realization.
Mares should be mars.

Chapter 3
I'm liking Rosalie more and more, but I'm increasingly worried about your portrayal of Derek Hale. During the episode in question, he actually speaks and threatens very little in general. So, I'm a little confused with the sudden bursts of angry wanna-be villain speech. If anything, Derek is almost annoyingly silent throughout the show.

Then I see Derek and he looks like he’d personally like to arrange my body like his sisters had been found.
The word 'sisters' should be 'sister's'.

“Well… yea! He… Scott knows Derek, you see, and Derek told him about this real rare medical condition that only he has and then Scott was like, “Wow, dude! I just found out I got that condition too!” and—“
"Wow, dude! I just found out I got that condition too!" should be 'Wow, dude! I just found out I got that condition too!'

When I near them again, I hear Derek moaning and then a hiss of a word I think has something to do with a wolf, but forgo trying to figure out what had just been swapped between the two boys and my childhood friend in favor of getting us all out of here before the last bell rings.
That sentence should probably be split up into at least two sentences.

Chapter 2
Things are sort of being explained, but I find it odd that you've increased Derek's aggression and anger by so much. From what I remember, he was stoic and determined in season 1, but not viciously angry at everyone. He already knows by this point that his sister was killed by an alpha, so why accuse Rosalie at all or even growl at her like that? Throughout the seasons, we're shown time and time again that no only is Derek good at identifying species (multiple kinds), he's also good at determining rank.

It takes me a long time, though, to draw up enough courage to trek down to the house that was still charred and now crumbling in certain sections.
Probably take out the comma before 'though' since it seems unnecessary.

It’s weak, the comeback is, but it’s all I’ve got.
The wording of that sentence seems odd, so I'd suggest just writing it as the normal: the comeback is weak, but it's all I've got.

“I held your hand the night you’re family died, remember? You fall asleep on my shoulder and in the morning, you wouldn’t let me leave. Said something about being afraid for me or something.”
“I held your hand the night your family died, remember? You fell asleep on my shoulder and in the morning, you wouldn’t let me leave. Said something about being afraid for me or something.”

Okay, so just discovered this story and going to give you some of my thoughts and such as I read along.

Chapter 1
Okay, so we're starting during season 1. That's fun. I'm liking the way most of this is written, but I do have one critique.

My brain is whirling with images of the past as silent tears stream down my cheeks. There of Laura and me, falling against each other while we laugh about something Derek had just done.

I'm assuming the beginning of the second sentence is supposed to reference back to the pictures mentioned in the first sentence? If that's the case, then it should be 'They're of Laura and me, falling against each other while we laugh about something Derek had just done.'

Laura was dead and God knows whats happened to Derek.

In that case, it should be, 'Laura was dead and God knows what's happened to Derek,' since what's is the contraction for both what is and what has.

Okay, so just discovered this story and going to give you some of my thoughts and such as I read along.

Chapter 1
Okay, so we're starting during season 1. That's fun. I'm liking the way most of this is written, but I do have one critique.

My brain is whirling with images of the past as silent tears stream down my cheeks. There of Laura and me, falling against each other while we laugh about something Derek had just done.

I'm assuming the beginning of the second sentence is supposed to reference back to the pictures mentioned in the first sentence? If that's the case, then it should be 'They're of Laura and me, falling against each other while we laugh about something Derek had just done.'

Laura was dead and God knows whats happened to Derek.

In that case, it should be, 'Laura was dead and God knows what's happened to Derek,' since what's is the contraction for both what is and what has.

ooh now she knows and dude i'd freak out too if he'd turn around looking like his werewolf self without any warning first

So, Teen Wolf is amazing! :D I have a Teen Wolf story too, but it's no where as good as yours!! :D I hope you updated. Even though you just did, you HAVE to update soon!

Awh! I love this! More please!

hahah I honestly had to go back and re-read chap 1 and 2- read too many teen wolf stories lately that I didn't remember if Rosalie knew of Derek being a werewolf or not so before that chap. 3 made me a little confused at first I think it was a good chapter! her being scared and not sure if she and the boys will be safe with derek near..

curious to know how the hale fam. managed to hide who they truly were from rosalie with her being so close with laura and stuff must've been hard

I thought it was a great chapter. I doubt myself too, but most of the time it's just me over thinking it.

The best Derek Hale story I've read! I hope you update sometime soon.

aawe got an e-mail that this was updated but there wasn't a new chapter?? O.o

Love it

o'boy now that wasn't a very happy reunion.. i'd probably pee my pants of he said those things to me at the end of that chapter.. wow he's angry.. maybe he's started to blame rosie for kate and the fire since kate had been her best friend.. O.o