Okay dokay thank you will acknowledge your comment ;)
February 27th, 2014 at 05:33pm
Good and bad bits.
The good bit is that the writing is solid. Such as using a variety of verbs and nouns instead of sticking to a common few. This gives your work a very nice "flavor."
A primary concern that I had originally was the daunting task of reading your entire paragraph. It felt easy to get lost in the lines, I suggest breaking it up in order to allow the reader to process the text more easily.
As for this being your first chapter on Mibba, it is a great attempt. But, be sure that your story doesn't become a movie. Let movies do what movies do. Books need to be books.
