In the End - Comments

The layout is nice, as always seems to be the case with your stories, and the colors blend well. This one is particularly nice to stare at, and I think the pattern for the background is just perfect. That's quite the captivating photo you chose for the background, too.

The summary doesn't seem to be anything too special, but it's straight-forward and to the point, and I don't think people can really ask for more on that. It tells me exactly what's going to happen, even if I'm not entirely sure who the characters themselves are.

I thought the opening was cute, easy to visualize, and certainly easy to relate to. I thought it was pretty great that it was a boy taking forever to get ready instead of a girl, too, but all teenagers can be like that. Again, totally believable and relatable. And just straight up adorable.

The interaction between the parents was quite cute, too. Especially the way Cloud teetered between being on each of their sides. xD

And... ouch! I wasn't expecting the mother to say that! As For a second there I was worried that this was going to turn into an issue between the three of them, but I'm glad the mother wasn't actually upset about his appearance or anything. That would have been sad.

And the ending was nice and cute again! Love the light family banter! But I also really like the way this went from happy and playful full circle back to happy and playful, but with that one tense moment in the middle. I think it worked well. (:

The only con-crit that I can offer is that I think you might want to look a bit more specifically into dialogue rules. I won't sit here and rehash them all with you now, because it's not really a huge deal, but it's something to think about if you decided to go back and edit anything. I think house of cards gave a good reference for what to look at if you had any questions on dialogue rules.

The layout is nice, as always seems to be the case with your stories, and the colors blend well. This one is particularly nice to stare at, and I think the pattern for the background is just perfect. That's quite the captivating photo you chose for the background, too.

The summary doesn't seem to be anything too special, but it's straight-forward and to the point, and I don't think people can really ask for more on that. It tells me exactly what's going to happen, even if I'm not entirely sure who the characters themselves are.

I thought the opening was cute, easy to visualize, and certainly easy to relate to. I thought it was pretty great that it was a boy taking forever to get ready instead of a girl, too, but all teenagers can be like that. Again, totally believable and relatable. And just straight up adorable.

The interaction between the parents was quite cute, too. Especially the way Cloud teetered between being on each of their sides. xD

And... ouch! I wasn't expecting the mother to say that! As For a second there I was worried that this was going to turn into an issue between the three of them, but I'm glad the mother wasn't actually upset about his appearance or anything. That would have been sad.

And the ending was nice and cute again! Love the light family banter! But I also really like the way this went from happy and playful full circle back to happy and playful, but with that one tense moment in the middle. I think it worked well. (:

The only con-crit that I can offer is that I think you might want to look a bit more specifically into dialogue rules. I won't sit here and rehash them all with you now, because it's not really a huge deal, but it's something to think about if you decided to go back and edit anything. I think house of cards gave a good reference for what to look at if you had any questions on dialogue rules.

Title: I really like the title.
Summary: The summary sounds okay.
Layout: It looks good, I really like the background.

Opening: Ah, I can imagine this happening. In fact, it has on tv lots of times. I like how you end up putting your own twist on this scene though.

Ending: I like how Cloud goes back to thinking about his past. At least that's what it seemed like he was doing in the end, unless that was just the narrator's thoughts. I like how the title ends up working out in the story though I expected something different.

Overall: I like the story, there seemed to be a lot of facial expressions, which isn't bad, it just seemed a little much. I think your grammar and spelling is okay. This part needs a little work though sense you switched tenses

“Well it’s true, you both spend almost an hour in the bathroom, worried about how your hair will look,” She giggles, unfazed by your son’s howling laughter or your husbands death glare before continuing “I guess it’s true what they say.”

I like the layout! The one shot was good too; it was cute

Summary / Layout

I'm not going to even attempt to criticise the layout. Cloud is wonderful and he's right there on the top of the page. Is it weird to have a crush on a fictional anime character? Oh well. I love the idea of Cloud being tied down though. It isn't something I'd have thought to do myself so good job.

In the End

This is so sweet! I always wondered what would happen if Cloud married (and I probably shipped him and Tifa for the best part of like 5 years so that was something that I wondered often), so it's really sweet to see that you've written that into this! I'm a massive FF geek as it is as well, but I don't really get to read about my favourite video game / anime characters as often as I'd like on here so it's super-awesome to find that you've written something to quash my inner fangirl feels!

I think you've got Cloud down to a fine art here. He's got that really cocky attitude that made me fall in love with his character in the first place and it's genuinely lovely to see him happy. As one of my favourite characters out of anything ever (except maybe Reno. Everyone loves Reno), I want nothing more than for him to forgive himself, move on and be happy with his life. You've given him that happiness in such a sweet little package that I'm really pleased with the outcome! The hair thing was the funniest thing I've read in a long time - I always wondered how long it took Cloud to get his hair all perfect and spiky like that! I guess it really is like father like son, which I find vaguely amusing. I have this crazy picture of a mini-Cloud in my head right now and it's like...aww! It's so sweet.

Honestly, I think what cinched this for me was the little addition at the end. I like that it seems like Cloud hasn't forgotten what happened, but he has forgiven himself for the whole ordeal and I think that's all that matters. He just needed to be at peace with himself to overcome what happened and I'm so glad that he did. It just adds that little bit extra to the story and makes it perfect.

Concrit

Like the other story I read, your dialogue does need a little work. As a general rule, your dialogue tag (so the bit after the dialogue) shouldn't start with a capital letter unless it's completely unrelated so things like 'he said', 'she exclaimed' and everything else like that shouldn't be capitalised. Also, lines of dialogue should finish with commas rather than periods if that's the case. There's a wonderful article in the Knowledge Base that explains it all fully. If you're unsure of what needs changing though, I'd be happy to help by pointing out the issues from this piece. I don't want to list them all and seem really evil in my comment though, just because this is such a sweet piece and dialogue isn't really that big an issue in the end up.

Overall

Aside from the dialogue, there aren't any glaringly obvious grammar errors. You've got a wonderful writing style and you have Cloud's characterisation right down, both aspects that actually really add to the story in a positive manner. You've made me want to play FF though, and my Playstation doesn't connect to the television properly so I'm really sad, haha! I'll just have to go and watch Advent Children to keep me satisfied.

You did a wonderful job of this, thank you for writing it!

Cloud, so cocky sometimes, I love it. Loved the "we can't rush the delicate procedure of having our shower and gelling our hair" bit. x') Though, there should be a period after, I think.


“Nothing, I did marry your father after all” She turns to glance at Cloud with a smirk on her lips.
legit dying.

This was too cute. I loved the interactions between the mom, son, and Cloud. I also love how you ended it, I'm glad he was able to let go of all the things that was holding him back.

Also, if you still need help with the layout I could offer some?