Whispers in the Dark - Comments

I’m here to judge for ‘A Song Contest’.

I really like the way you wrote this, kind of threading past and present in one fluid motion. You didn’t write the backstory as a flashback, but rather a nice memory in a realistic way. I could believe that as the narrator walked to the cove, they would think back fondly on that memory of how they discovered it. It was nostalgic but it also gave the readers a soft moment between two friends so I connected more. You also carried this on into a more present situation, but you did it in such a way that it didn’t falter any of the narrative.

I also appreciated the lyrics. I don’t know the song honestly, but I could see the connection between the story and the lyrics that you incorporated into it. It was a nice touch for the narrator to end with them fading in to the last bit of lyrics. It was fitting and poignant.

Though, I would definitely recommend either you reading it over or have a second person do so. There were some spelling and grammatical errors that would put a lull in the writing. There were points where you could have used a period rather than a comma. A simple way to figure out which one you should use is to try reading it out loud and figure out if it’s a full stop or a brief pause.

All in all, though, I really enjoyed this piece!

This is beautiful. It's also perfect because this song is on my spotify playlist so I listened to it while I read. I really like all of the emotion in this. It's really really good!

this is truly beautiful. i love the raw emotion (seems as if you're good at pulling our heartstrings) & how he describes every bit of her that he could honestly come to adore. the realistic part of it was spot on. basically how love is so hard to find & treasure & we tend to not give it to the right ones. job well done

Aww that's so sad :( the poor girl! That boy took advantage of her, they should've gotten married then he can't run too quickly!! Mwahahha. Tisk tisk though, that's so true. Nowadays I hear too much obsession over boyfriends and girlfriends and then long term broken hearts come. They want something they label temporary (as boyfriend or girlfriend) to last forever and when it doesn't it breaks their most precious and one and only heart. :(