Trouble - Comments

I like the way you ended it! :)

Can't wait to see what the re-writing brings!

Ahhh!!! Finally, she is his girl!!!!

They're such a cute couple, when they're good....they're good!

Welcome back, hope has been well in your life. Great to have you back.

Can't wait for the next update :)

Wow, he really is an ass!!! -_- Travelled all that way, only to be met with that sight (you're good)

And Niall, what a sweetheart...I expected nothing less though.

Looking forward to reading their talk, whenever it happens.

Can't wait for the next chapter! Stay awesome :)

Welcome back!!! Had a big smile on my face when I saw that you updated. Congrats on the arrival of your new baby :) sucks to hear that you had complications.

Good to have Harry and Bri back, well not so much Harry at the moment...what an ass! I can't wait to see what goes down when she goes to Australia. (Feels like ages since they were here, how time flies...here in Feb and it's now September.) What part of Australia are they planning on flying into?!?

So glad to have you back, will be looking forward to Monday's now!!! Can't wait for the next chapter, hopefully Harry will redeem himself.

Alright, so I only made it to chapter 2, but the story seems interesting so far. I like that you seem to have your characters fleshed out well and know Bri's personality which you've stuck to for the first two chapters. You have a good amount of detail for most things, but I think a bit more description would be good so that we can get a feel for the setting and things like that.

I was a little bit confused about Harry. Like, how did he know what her Twiter was when he talked to her for 5 minutes, and why does he want her to like him so much? I also think it would have been good to say that Bri knew who Harry was, because I wasn't entirely sure until the second chapter.

The introduction of the cat was also sudden, and I wasn't sure that Mushu was even a cat until quite a bit after.

Some things I found:
Chapter 1:
He was thin, yet muscular all long and awkward limbs with a never ending torso.
This sentence was awkward. Maybe putting a period after “muscular” would make more sense?

Chapter 2:
My head was pounding the dinging sounds coming from the infernal device weren’t helping in the least.
I think there should be an “and” because “pounding” and “the”.

which, still made my head pound all the worse
I don’t think the comma or “still” after “which” need to be there.

I splayed myself out of the sofa, letting out a grunt as Mushu Jumped on my exposed abdomen.
“Jumped” shouldn’t be capitalized.

Mushu was hot on my heels a I walked and I almost tripped over him
“A” should be “as”.

pausing long enough to put my head phones in and start my music up before slowly increasing my pace until I hit a nice rhythm.
“Headphones” is one word.

It was that I wasn’t hideous, my awkward high school proved just as much.
This sentence confused me, I’m not sure what you’re trying to say.

My hips didn’t flare out slightly, but rather quite a bit but there was nothing I could to fix that
Having “but” in that sentence twice felt awkward. The first part of that sentence also felt unnecessary, it would make more sense to me to just say that her hips were bigger.

I eyes him warily, not at all sure how he was going to attempt yoga.
“Eyes” should be “eyed”.

I heard all the other women in class giggling and whispering like school girls at the sight of the lanky popstar and couldn’t help but roll my eyes.
This sentence felt too long. Maybe adding a comma after "popstar" would help.

But yes, feel free to take from those what you want, they were just things that I thought while I was reading. I think you have an interesting story and I wish you luck with writing the rest!

So I definitely think that the second chapter is a step up. But now I'm just plagued with questions. Like, did she know who Harry was? How does Harry know her twitter?

The introduction of the cat is very sudden, it wasn't until late that I knew Mushu wasn't a dog.

She has to know that announcing where she is when she knows Harry reads what she writes is bound to get his attention.

Other than those comments, I feel like you tend to go back and forth on having her admire his looks, to being annoyed with him for being so invested in getting her to like him. And on that note, I think it's a bit weird that he wants her to like him so bad, he really doesn't know her.

I don't think I'm going to read anymore, but I do wish you good luck with the rest of the story!

I've just got done reading the first chapter, and I am planning on seeing where it goes, but I wanted to comment with this before I got too far ahead.

My first impression of Harry is that he's one of those stereotypical guys that thinks just because they're attractive that they can get the girl. Which I think is what you wanted to accomplish, so good on you.

It wasn't until Bri told him that "this is America" that I really decided what I thought of her, and at the moment, I think she's a bitch. Perhaps it's just because she was drunk and tired, it just seemed like such an unkind thing to say. That's just my opinion though.

Overall I have some expectations that I hope get met. I think you have a bit of an issue with switching tenses, going from had to has a few times, but that's easily fixable.

I also want to say that I'm a little confused at the random little bit at the end where it looks like she's updated her Twiter status... It just feels unnecessary to me.

But now I am off to read another chapter, and then I'll let you know what I think of that.

I fell in love with this story . I read this is the course of two days - and it makes me really sad there hasn't been any recent updates, but I am certainly hopefully and ready for more, now that Harry is gone. I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN, POOR BRI. Gosh. I loved everything about it, from your writing, to the layout to even the minor characters, even Darren.

I love the character of Briella, she's so down to earth and for her to be with Harry and the way Harry is just make me want so much more from this story, and I just love it so much.

@ ashton irwin.;;

Hiiiiiii (:

Thank you so much for read Trouble, first of all! That alone means soooo much to me! But also thank you for commenting, it made my night! (:

I love the name Briella and even pitched it while picking my oldest's name back when I was pregnant lol (he's three now and my husband vetoed it :/)

Annnd I've started the next chapter (I'm literally doing it all on my phone and my internet went down. the company isn't sure when they'll have someone available to come out and take a look at all the equipment.) BUT I'm pretty confident I'll be able to shift back into weekly updates! (I go to my mom's every week, atleast once lol)

But really, I absolutely cannot thank you enough for reading and commenting! Hope you had an awesome day! (:

@ madamUnco87

do YOU think he'd be inclined to not come back for her? :P

Thanks for your comments and for reading! It means the world to me! Hope you had a good day!!

So this is amazing and because of that, I have some things to say:
I really think you're doing a good job. I love the way you write. It flows really well and you're writing a story about Harry who makes everythig better. Oh I used to have a girl in my class named Brielle, but Briella is so much nicer. :)) Anyway, I was a silent reader for a long time so I guess I'm not beling silent anymore!! Update soon!

AWWWWW!!!! He is just the sweetest, you write him SO well. He better come back for her, you wouldn't put us through him not coming back for her would you? I hope not.

Could never give up on you, love this story too much.

I love Carmen, she is just awesome.

Can't wait for chapter 20

P.s Hope your pregnancy is going well, congrats :-)

@ dannykurily
He isn't going to be a happy camper at all!! lol
and thank youuuuuu!!! (:
Thanks for taking the time to read Trouble (:

Their date was so cute but she's gone out and left Darren asleep. He's gonna be pretty pissed off with her!
Loved the Harry gif in the A/N.
Also a huuuuge congratulations on your pregnancy! Hope all is well and please keep us updated

@ arizonaskies, thank youuuu dear! (:
I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Love love love this chapter so much! Harry's confusing with Bri, which is frustrating, but when he's being sweet, he's so charming and endearing and..... Ugh, just so Harry. Hahaha. Great chapter, as always, and I can't wait for more soon! And congrats on your pregnancy! x (:

@ arizonaskies
ahhhhh!!!!!!!!! thank you sooooo much for that!!! <3
I was gonna update, but I had a lot go on. our dog ended up getting super, super sick that week and we ended up having to put him down (it was parvo!) and then three days later, I found out that my husband and I are expecting our second child so I've been sick a lot!! I have been writing, though and 17 is over halfway finished already so I'm hoping to have it e-mailed to my beta and posted by no later than this Monday coming up!!

I'm super happy you love it and you're comment means so much to me! <3
thanks again for reading and I'm sorry that I haven't updated!!!

I just read the entirety of this story thus far, and I really love it! Harry and Bri have such chemistry between them, and it kills me to see Harry being so difficult about them being together. There has to be something holding him back that he's not ready to open up to Bri about yet. We'll have to see, especially because things seem to be getting more serious, but also more complicated for the two of them, which will only lead to more trouble.

I saw that you said in the last author's note, for chapter sixteen, that you would be updating on November 3rd, but there's no new chapter. Waaahhh. Update soon please, because I love these two so much and I'm really excited to see where things go for them, and if they can figure it all out enough to make a relationship work! (:

First off, I love the gif you used at the end...it would have to be my favorite one of his!

What is up with these two? I hope she isn't wasting her time thinking he is going to change...but maybe he will, or maybe he doesn't need too. Oh, I don't I've confused myself :-P

I lovw how long you make the chapter, I love your writing and I Love this story :-) looking forward to the next update, makes me smile when I see that you've updated :-)